If Plato Is a Fine Red Wine, Then Aristotle Is a Dry Martini*

It’s hot. It’s really hot. And the weekend is just a few short hours away. And nobody wants to a) work, or b) read the series of political rants I keep putting off. So, here are three ways to kill this Friday afternoon.

• Make your own South Park doppelgänger. Some of you may have seen this already (when I mentioned it to Flop, he told me he’d seen it before), but the create-your-own-South-Park-character generator is absolutely fantastic. Included at right is the character of me made by my roommate. It’s terrifying in its realism. This looks more like me than my passport picture. I particularly like that he added the sweat from wearing that suit in 98% humidity.

• Devise a bizarre comparison. This post over at Baseball Think Factory inspired some of the best blog comments I’ve ever seen. Ostensibly, the post is about the new U.S. poet laureate, who has done some writing about baseball. The comments, however, are what make it great. For example, there’s an argument about whether Ted Kooser is the Russ Ortiz of poetry or the Bob Wickman of poetry. My posit: Ezra Pound is the Jimmie Foxx of poetry.

• Remember that, fundamentally, soccer is laughable. Honestly, is this clip from the Simpsons ever not funny? And yes, I’m bitter about Team USA. But I’m going to keep watching the World Cup, I just have to find a new team to pull for now. Maybe the Netherlands? I don’t know why. Maybe it’s my predilection towards teams with orange in their uniforms, funny names, and a tendency to never win championships.

*Okay, I need to stop with the Kicking and Screaming references.