Real life has intervened in numerous ways, so I'll be brief:
9:47 p.m. McCain is not like George W. Bush, except in the way that both are reckless dumbasses when it comes to foreign relations, and both think that feeding more people into the Iraq corpse-chipper is a swell idea. So for those of you who get the vapors at all of Hillary's Clintonian exceesses, man up and face the fact that she'd at least be better than McCain on Iraq.
9:51 p.m. Also, on the economy. Jesus, I find a lot of Clinton-era economic policies annoying, but they're better than the Republican ethos of the past three decades, even if too close to them for my comfort. But seeing as McCain is an admitted lightweight on these issues, it seems safe to assume he'll mostly go for Republican Party orthodoxy, if only to fund his adopted pet war.
9:54 p.m. No, I'm not in a particularly good mood that he won, either, so get off my back.
Showing posts with label republicans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label republicans. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Liveblog? Mmmmmaybe
Not to engage in some shameless coquetry here, but there may or may not be a liveblog later for this, the most Mittmentous of GOP primaries.
Register your outrage in the comments.
Register your outrage in the comments.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Circumspice, bitches!
Si quaeris liveblogam amoenam ... We'd be remiss if we didn't liveblog the hot, hot primary election action coming out of our (in my case, adopted) home state, Michigan.
Starting this afternoon, we'll bring you occasional updates, but when the returns start coming fast and furious, we'll be there as only Cole Slaw Blog can. Cole Slaw Blog: Your 2008 Election headquarters for silliness and nonsense. (By which we mean intentional silliness and nonsense, not crap like an expose on cafeteria food from The Politico, Washington's answer to The Beverly Blaze.)
I'll start with a somewhat timely anecdote. When I lived in Michigan in 2000, I voted for John McCain in the Republican primary. I thought reasonably nice things of McCain back then, and I thought horrible, horrible things about George W. Bush. Although never in my wildest dreams did I expect this kind of disaster, I knew enough to know I really, really didn't want him. And so I made sure to go out and vote for McCain to fuck over Bush. And it worked ... until the South Carolina firewall.
So that was nice for a while. If I still lived in Michigan, I think I'd consider doing what a lot of Democrats are doing, and voting for Mitt Romney. Or maybe I'd tell them I was trying to ratfuck Republican primaries with my vote long before it was cool, and back when internet video was just buffering ... buffering .... buffering ...
OK, on with the updates:
11:38 a.m. Early news out of the Wolverine State indicates moderate to light voting. Seeing as this is essentially a GOP-only contest (as far as delegates are concerned), that's not too surprising. Are you like me? Did you think the coolest part of the Michigan Democrats for Romney video was Brandent Englemon jacking up some poor macroeconomics major from Vanderbilt?
11:58 a.m. This has nothing directly to do with Michigan, but CNN is doing a piece on how Mitt Romney may be too perfect looking for the presidency. This is vapid, even by CNN's standards.
12:20 p.m. Feel the excitement! The Grand Rapids Press, located in the heart of Michigan Republicandom is informing its website readers of the following up-to-the-minute news: A local chain of grocery stores has scored well on recent sanitation inspections; a local snowboard park has a history that includes one of the sport's titans; a credit union was recently robbed for the second time in a short span; Business leaders will be attending a policy conference in Grand Rapids this fall.
1:04 p.m. Just saw this now on TPM. Apparently, Mitt's goose is as yet uncooked. Poll numbers are showing signs of Romnmentum. As George Costanza once said "I think I felt it move!"
1:06 p.m. CNN is interviewing some smirking Republican who's complaining about illegal immigrants hurting his business, and for whom the candidates aren't socially conservative enough, even in the economic blast zone that is southeast Michigan. In the background: A Manchester United flag. Figures. I wonder if it makes him uncomfortable that Cristiano Ronaldo is so very, very pretty and prancy. And frequently appears in tabloids wearing naught but junk-hugging Speedos. Or maybe he doesn't give a shit, because this appeared to have taken place in some classroom somewhere. Maybe at the Lynn Rivers Democrat School for Forced Gay Marriage.
1:25 p.m. There's not a lot happening in the Michigan primary. I'm going to watch the $10 DVD of The Princess Bride I bought late last year.
5:10 p.m. That totally ruled. I was done with it a while ago, but I did some other stuff, and to be honest, there's not much action until the polls close.
5:11 p.m. Fuck that shit, there's always something happening in The Situation Room! And so it is. The Wolfster lets us know that Barack Obama is black. And Hillary Clinton is personally offended that people thought she noticed. Or something. I just got back from New York Burger Company and am not really paying attention.
5:27 p.m. Ever wonder why Michigan State Police cars still have those old-timey "gumball" lights on top when every other force has gone to massive racks of strobes? And what's with that ineffective-looking clear sign on the hood?
Wikipedia:
Both the rotating overhead light and the shark fin have traditionally been synonymous with the MSP. The shark fin was used for a side stop, which was employed when a Trooper was stopping another vehicle. The Trooper would pull along the driver's side of the vehicle he wished to stop and would activate the shark fin's light, alerting the other driver that he was to pull over. ... The rotating red light has been used by the MSP since 1960 and the current style red overhead light has been in use by the agency since 1979. The bright red-pink hue of the light is striking and it makes the patrol car recognizable as a Michigan State Police car from several miles away. The red overhead lights on some MSP cars are 20-25 years old.
There you have it. Meanwhile, Blitzer's talking about issues with the Canadian border -- maybe he's trying to carve out his own niche as the Lou Dobbs of the north. What better night on which to do it than Michigan Primary night? I bet this is of great importance to Michigan republicans.
5:28 p.m. Do you think there's a small subset of right-wing blogs obsessed that Canadian immigrants are going to take over our country (assuming the Muslims and Mexicans don't get there first)? I mean, there's NHL teams in two dozen U.S. cities, OMG they're going to take it over!
5:29 p.m. I'm done now. Wolf is interviewing Glenn Beck with a straight face. George Bush "has betrayed conservatives every step of the way." Uh huh. CNN should hire us and fire Glenn Beck -- Americans would wind up more knowledgeable about mammal taxonomy, Cormac McCarthy and state police forces, while also being less racist and self-centered. Meanwhile, he could be the really annoying guy you tune out down at the office.
5:32 p.m. Holy shit, we're talkin' health care, because Beck just had surgery. CNN's chryon: "Why Health Care Matters: Glenn's life-threatening surgery."
Sounds about right. After all, to repurpose a frequent point of crunk raconteur, "conservative" is just another term for someone who can't imagine a world more than six feet from his or her own billfold.
Apparently, Beck had a rough ordeal at his (presumably) privately run hospital, where they just tried to get him out the door and didn't have enough compassion. He has concluded that the government is not the answer, because the hospitals would be like the DMW. The upshot: Rudy Giuliani will solve this by unleashing the private sector. Blitzer wanly mentions that HMOs might be part of the problem, but Beck is two steps ahead of him, demonizing Canada and England. It's like watching a fish try to race a snail across a parking lot.
None of what I just wrote is anything but a straight, vanilla summary of the conversation. This is truly dada. Future generations will be horrified.
5:41 p.m. Uh, just to cleanse the palate. Michigan's state quarter is rather handsome, and of all the states resorting to using their outline on the coin, Michigan has one of the better excuses -- few states have a more distinctive shape. The design was cleanly executed, with a nice use of texture to highlight the state itself. I would rank this among the better, but probably not the best, designs. I'll spare you the details.
5:49 p.m. Mich-mentum! Voter turnout is low, low, low, although absentee ballots should help make up for this. The Free Press blames snow and the lack of a real Democratic race. I'm not buying the first one -- this is Michigan. If people are letting snow keep them home, I'm going to be embarrassed for my adopted home state. Although I wouldn't piss on one of these Republican candidates if they were on fire, so I can't imagine getting out of the house to go cast my vote for one of these hucksters. This sums it up for me:
“It’s probably going to be something like a school board election,” said Inez Brown, clerk in heavily Democratic Flint. Brown said the equipment in Flint’s 61 precincts has worked properly and voters seem to understand that the not all the candidates are on the Democratic ballot.
But the difference is, I wouldn't trust any of these clowns to appropriate pencils and paste. I hope the light turnout helps provide a sort of reverse boost to the Democrats for Mitt.
6:05 p.m. Don't forget Huckabmentum! Blitzer tells us that Huckabee "suggests he'll be a winner tonight so long as he defies expectations in Michigan." From the campaign's press staff to Blitzer's mouth. They don't pay him the big bucks for nothing, folks.
6:07 p.m. Apparently 20 percent of Romney voters chose him because of the reason "say what he believes." I am going to go ahead and guess that these people have images of a mesomorphic cartoon hoplite on many of their personal property. Just a hunch.
6:14 p.m. Here's a photo of the Sleeping Bear Dunes. They're up here (I'm pointing to the outside edge of my left pinky, near the tip).
From blue_eyed_demon1963's photostream at Flickr.6:3o p.m. Voters! Study up! You only have two and a half more hours to set your hand in favor of your chosen candidate. Paw Paw resident Lorraine deBaptiste has been working on it diligently since speaking to a Kalamazoo Gazette reporter earlier today.
KALAMAZOO -- Lorraine deBaptiste said she was "very impressed" by John McCain's appearance here Monday during a campaign rally at Kalamazoo Christian High School.
But the Paw Paw resident still doesn't know how she's going to vote today.
"I liked what he said about securing the borders and supporting our soldiers," deBaptiste said. "But there's also things I like about Romney and Huckabee. I need to do a lot more research."
Best of luck, Lorraine! Did you know? Paw Paw is just a couple miles east of Teapot Dome, Michigan.
6:43 p.m. I used to think Jack Cafferty was a grumpy old, id-centric crank. But he's clearly smarter than most of the people who draw paychecks for appearing on CNN. Man, I have better things to be doing now, right?
7:15 p.m. Apparently, I did. I started a batch of vegetable soup. It's easy. Take some vegetables, put them in a pot with some stock (I used chicken; vegetable would work too). When they're tender, I'm going to put them in the food processor and slash the fuck out of about half the veg. Then I'll add it back, thickening the soup. Let's see fucking Dana Bash do that.
7:22 p.m. Chris Matthews is live from Las Vegas. Idle thought: I wonder how much he's spent at the Rhino already. Also, I'm getting a vision ... interns pooling credit cards ... bouncers ... a cab ... sunrise over the Strip. OK, where was I? Oh yes. More chatter about the Nevada caucuses. What about Michigan, clowns? Cole Slaw Blog is your home for primary coverage, even if these guys aren't.
7:45 p.m. I reserve the right to watch some of the Democratic debate, assuming I don't just fall asleep from all the Republimentum! It's amazing to me what a smorgasbord of dopes they have out. But wouldn't it be perfect for someone of real substance like Edwards or Obama to win, only to spend his time in office cleaning up after Bush and getting blamed when all that administrations time bombs go off.
7:48 p.m. Dear God! It's Pat Buchanan, squinting in the light after a production assistant wheeled him out from his dusty closet.
8:04 p.m. It's clear that I've gotten started too early. Like in Go when Simon got drunk and passed out before he and his friends even left for Las Vegas. Polls don't close for about an hour. I guess I just got caught up in all the excitement of a non-essential primary.
8:53 p.m. Excitement builds as it's almost time to show the exit polls. I'd guess that Mitt and McCain do well, Huckabee rides a wave of Huckabmentum to third, and Rudy Giuliani gets his nuts hammered (again) by totally sane person Ron Paul. I may have been peeking on super-secret websites, however.
9 p.m. It's Romney. Oh, the Mittmentum. Polls in all but the farthest reaches of the Upper Peninsula are closed and NBC's gone ahead and declared the state for Romney, the son of a former governor. Three states, three winners for the Republicans.It's possible that there will be an actual, constested convention. But probably not.
9:02 p.m. Two young campaign workers can be seen on CNN, jumping up and down gleefully at Mittquarters. How such a hunk of Vitalis and starch can get anyone, let alone 20-something women, so excited is beyond me. But hey, what the fuck do I know about loving Republicans?
9:05 p.m. Debate time. Hillary just said "son of a mill worker." I know who that is! As much as I like Edwards, I have to say, I am as aware of his father's field of employment as I am of Jerome Bettis' hometown (it's Detroit, by the way.) She and Obama are being made to play nice here at the start of the debate.
9:11 p.m. Just wanted to mention that Rudy Giuliani is still working the Florida angle. I was going to post something else, but I just looked at the clock, and thought of him.
9:13 p.m. Russert is going to call Hillary Clinton on the Robert Johnson thing. I guess this isn't like when he asks people if he can print what they just told him. She won't toss him over the side though.
9:16 p.m. Edwards gets asked the white male question, to laughter. He says it's a credit to his party and to America. I'll buy the first part, if only because the Republican debates look like the Men's Grille at your friendly local (restricted) country club.
9:22 p.m. I think what I like about Edwards is that he understands what it's like to be getting the short end of things in 21st century America. This isn't to say that Clinton and Obama were born with silver spoons in their mouths, but his compassion really seems to drive him. You can't help but find it admirable. If he doesn't wind up President, I feel like he'll keep doing good things. This post is really lame and dull because I'm suddenly falling asleep, but yeah, I like Edwards.
9:33 p.m. Wow. Brian Williams quite jovially repeats the hateful "Secret Muslim Man" slur against Obama. A proud moment for journalism. Obama is handling it with dignity and grace, which will totally serve him well in the general, just ask John Kerry. I would have liked to see him point out that not only is being a Muslim perfectly legal, but there's not one candidate in the election who would think there was anything wrong with it. Except maybe Mike Huckabee, who would like to see the Constitution changed to meet "God's standards."
I'm sure he'll be called to account for his desire to see a theocratic United States.
9:40 p.m. Dear sweet lord, even my rage at the whole "Are you now or are have you ever been a dirty, no-good Muslim?" question can't fuel me much longer. So ... very ... sleepy.
9:48 p.m. Let's see what the backslappers over at Fox News have to say about this. Upon flipping the channel, they seem to be lathered up over some slight to Gen. Petraeus. Brit Hume is fluttering his jowls and muttering about Hillary's performance among black voters. Some blonde chick with pearls is talking about how correct John McCain was on his "one-issue" candidacy. (Note: He was right about the surge AND the Iraq War. So true.) Some other white guy is chortling about McCain's vibrant sense of humor. Dear God, what a frightening room. I'd rather be dumped into a pit full of scorpions.
9:59 p.m. Edwards' question is better than most I've seen asked at debates. It's pointed and designed to get a response. I would guess his background gives him an advantage here. Aaaaand, apparently, Hillary doesn't have to answer it. Dan Burton just threw a pumpkin at his TV.
10:06 p.m. Hey, look at that. Made it past 10. I'm like, barely sentient right now. Which I suppose makes me rather representative of the American electorate. I do, however, like that Hillary is willing to point out that there are serious, fundamental differences between the Republicans and Democrats on the issue of Iraq. It makes me think that she'll deliver a payload of hellfire to the Republicans the second she's sworn in. I like Obama better, but if he's elected, I fully expect a period during which I'll cringe at his attempts to forge bipartisan consensun.
10:12 p.m. About time to bring it home. Lessons learned tonight: Michigan state troopers roll old-timey, Mitt Romney is a winner, Obama will be discrediting many, many slurs that shouldn't even be slurs for a long time, nonstop coverage of nonstories is draining and irritating, Atrios can still find people who think getting slaughtered again by Ron Paul is great news for Giuliani, the lure of sleep is strong, even at 10 p.m.
10:27 p.m. The Dreaded Yucca Mountain Question. My solution: We should bundle the waste canisters, secure them, and put their disposal out to bid so private companies can compete on the open market to profit from taking it on. The power of the market will ensure that the waste doesn't wind up anywhere it can cause havoc. Or at least nowhere that we'll have to hear people squawk about it.
OK, that's it for me tonight.
7:15 p.m. Apparently, I did. I started a batch of vegetable soup. It's easy. Take some vegetables, put them in a pot with some stock (I used chicken; vegetable would work too). When they're tender, I'm going to put them in the food processor and slash the fuck out of about half the veg. Then I'll add it back, thickening the soup. Let's see fucking Dana Bash do that.
7:22 p.m. Chris Matthews is live from Las Vegas. Idle thought: I wonder how much he's spent at the Rhino already. Also, I'm getting a vision ... interns pooling credit cards ... bouncers ... a cab ... sunrise over the Strip. OK, where was I? Oh yes. More chatter about the Nevada caucuses. What about Michigan, clowns? Cole Slaw Blog is your home for primary coverage, even if these guys aren't.
7:45 p.m. I reserve the right to watch some of the Democratic debate, assuming I don't just fall asleep from all the Republimentum! It's amazing to me what a smorgasbord of dopes they have out. But wouldn't it be perfect for someone of real substance like Edwards or Obama to win, only to spend his time in office cleaning up after Bush and getting blamed when all that administrations time bombs go off.
7:48 p.m. Dear God! It's Pat Buchanan, squinting in the light after a production assistant wheeled him out from his dusty closet.
8:04 p.m. It's clear that I've gotten started too early. Like in Go when Simon got drunk and passed out before he and his friends even left for Las Vegas. Polls don't close for about an hour. I guess I just got caught up in all the excitement of a non-essential primary.
8:53 p.m. Excitement builds as it's almost time to show the exit polls. I'd guess that Mitt and McCain do well, Huckabee rides a wave of Huckabmentum to third, and Rudy Giuliani gets his nuts hammered (again) by totally sane person Ron Paul. I may have been peeking on super-secret websites, however.
9 p.m. It's Romney. Oh, the Mittmentum. Polls in all but the farthest reaches of the Upper Peninsula are closed and NBC's gone ahead and declared the state for Romney, the son of a former governor. Three states, three winners for the Republicans.It's possible that there will be an actual, constested convention. But probably not.
9:02 p.m. Two young campaign workers can be seen on CNN, jumping up and down gleefully at Mittquarters. How such a hunk of Vitalis and starch can get anyone, let alone 20-something women, so excited is beyond me. But hey, what the fuck do I know about loving Republicans?
9:05 p.m. Debate time. Hillary just said "son of a mill worker." I know who that is! As much as I like Edwards, I have to say, I am as aware of his father's field of employment as I am of Jerome Bettis' hometown (it's Detroit, by the way.) She and Obama are being made to play nice here at the start of the debate.
9:11 p.m. Just wanted to mention that Rudy Giuliani is still working the Florida angle. I was going to post something else, but I just looked at the clock, and thought of him.
9:13 p.m. Russert is going to call Hillary Clinton on the Robert Johnson thing. I guess this isn't like when he asks people if he can print what they just told him. She won't toss him over the side though.
9:16 p.m. Edwards gets asked the white male question, to laughter. He says it's a credit to his party and to America. I'll buy the first part, if only because the Republican debates look like the Men's Grille at your friendly local (restricted) country club.
9:22 p.m. I think what I like about Edwards is that he understands what it's like to be getting the short end of things in 21st century America. This isn't to say that Clinton and Obama were born with silver spoons in their mouths, but his compassion really seems to drive him. You can't help but find it admirable. If he doesn't wind up President, I feel like he'll keep doing good things. This post is really lame and dull because I'm suddenly falling asleep, but yeah, I like Edwards.
9:33 p.m. Wow. Brian Williams quite jovially repeats the hateful "Secret Muslim Man" slur against Obama. A proud moment for journalism. Obama is handling it with dignity and grace, which will totally serve him well in the general, just ask John Kerry. I would have liked to see him point out that not only is being a Muslim perfectly legal, but there's not one candidate in the election who would think there was anything wrong with it. Except maybe Mike Huckabee, who would like to see the Constitution changed to meet "God's standards."
I'm sure he'll be called to account for his desire to see a theocratic United States.
9:40 p.m. Dear sweet lord, even my rage at the whole "Are you now or are have you ever been a dirty, no-good Muslim?" question can't fuel me much longer. So ... very ... sleepy.
9:48 p.m. Let's see what the backslappers over at Fox News have to say about this. Upon flipping the channel, they seem to be lathered up over some slight to Gen. Petraeus. Brit Hume is fluttering his jowls and muttering about Hillary's performance among black voters. Some blonde chick with pearls is talking about how correct John McCain was on his "one-issue" candidacy. (Note: He was right about the surge AND the Iraq War. So true.) Some other white guy is chortling about McCain's vibrant sense of humor. Dear God, what a frightening room. I'd rather be dumped into a pit full of scorpions.
9:59 p.m. Edwards' question is better than most I've seen asked at debates. It's pointed and designed to get a response. I would guess his background gives him an advantage here. Aaaaand, apparently, Hillary doesn't have to answer it. Dan Burton just threw a pumpkin at his TV.
10:06 p.m. Hey, look at that. Made it past 10. I'm like, barely sentient right now. Which I suppose makes me rather representative of the American electorate. I do, however, like that Hillary is willing to point out that there are serious, fundamental differences between the Republicans and Democrats on the issue of Iraq. It makes me think that she'll deliver a payload of hellfire to the Republicans the second she's sworn in. I like Obama better, but if he's elected, I fully expect a period during which I'll cringe at his attempts to forge bipartisan consensun.
10:12 p.m. About time to bring it home. Lessons learned tonight: Michigan state troopers roll old-timey, Mitt Romney is a winner, Obama will be discrediting many, many slurs that shouldn't even be slurs for a long time, nonstop coverage of nonstories is draining and irritating, Atrios can still find people who think getting slaughtered again by Ron Paul is great news for Giuliani, the lure of sleep is strong, even at 10 p.m.
10:27 p.m. The Dreaded Yucca Mountain Question. My solution: We should bundle the waste canisters, secure them, and put their disposal out to bid so private companies can compete on the open market to profit from taking it on. The power of the market will ensure that the waste doesn't wind up anywhere it can cause havoc. Or at least nowhere that we'll have to hear people squawk about it.
OK, that's it for me tonight.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Republican primaries: short version
"next to of course god america i
love you land of the pilgrims' and so forth oh
say can you see by the dawn's early my
country 'tis of centuries come and go
and are no more what of it we should worry
in every language even deafanddumb
thy sons acclaim your glorious name by gorry
by jingo by gee by gosh by gum
why talk of beauty what could be more beaut-
iful than these heroic happy dead
who rushed like lions to the roaring slaughter
they did not stop to think they died instead
then shall the voice of liberty be mute?"
He spoke. And drank rapidly a glass of water
e.e. cummings
Thursday, November 01, 2007
We're on to you, Rudy
Can anyone photoshop an Indians hat onto a picture of Hillary?Awwww, too bad we know all about what a douche you are, Rudy! Also, your beloved Yankees just drove their Hall of Fame manager and
Bow before the enlightened electorate of the Empire State!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
A madman's latest
President Bush has always defied caricature by being so over-the-top stupid and evil that an honest assessment of him sounds like hyperbole. Shrill, even.
I'll spare everyone a heated reprisal of his most awful moments to date. (OK, a few: "Please, don't kill me;" "You've covered your ass, now;" "I know they're here somewhere;" "Bring it on;" etc.).
But what do you say when he wants to make sure kids who didn't take personal responsibility to have rich parents don't have health insurance? I'm really not exaggerating when I say that. His view, doubtless shared by many serious conservatives who don't have to worry about this shit, is that it would be inappropriate for the government to expand a successful, popular program that provides health insurance to kids whose parents are unable to do so.
(I mean, this is a perfect, gift-wrapped data point to back up my Unified Theory of Republican-Conservative Philosophy; Namely: "If something bad is happening to someone else, it's just not my problem, and caring about it would be an inappropriate reaction.)
Although the combination of a deeply unpopular, radical, lame-duck president with an opposition Congress is certainly a potential problem, this isn't some petulant, scorched-earth tactic. Bush isn't kicking over the sand castle to spite everyone else. This is an honest attempt to enshrine a conservative* policy. And if some kids have to get sick or die, well, you can't make a wonderful omlette of conservative utopian policies without breaking a few eggs. By which we mean kids, apparently. Lovely.
August has always been the month in which he got the most people killed.
* I was going to have a cute little moment here when an old conservative comes back from the dead to wag his (undoubtedly, right) finger at me for calling the modern Republican party conservative, when it's clearly a just a coalition of business interests, religious extremists, xenophobic bigots and citizens crazed with fear and clinging to whatever authoritarian branch they can find. But my mind has been so warped by a lifetime of equating "conservativism" with the tofurky pot pie served up by Reagan, Thatcher, et al that the exercise was threatening to sink the whole post. If you must, pretend the ghost of Edmund Burke came back or something.
I'll spare everyone a heated reprisal of his most awful moments to date. (OK, a few: "Please, don't kill me;" "You've covered your ass, now;" "I know they're here somewhere;" "Bring it on;" etc.).
But what do you say when he wants to make sure kids who didn't take personal responsibility to have rich parents don't have health insurance? I'm really not exaggerating when I say that. His view, doubtless shared by many serious conservatives who don't have to worry about this shit, is that it would be inappropriate for the government to expand a successful, popular program that provides health insurance to kids whose parents are unable to do so.
(I mean, this is a perfect, gift-wrapped data point to back up my Unified Theory of Republican-Conservative Philosophy; Namely: "If something bad is happening to someone else, it's just not my problem, and caring about it would be an inappropriate reaction.)
Although the combination of a deeply unpopular, radical, lame-duck president with an opposition Congress is certainly a potential problem, this isn't some petulant, scorched-earth tactic. Bush isn't kicking over the sand castle to spite everyone else. This is an honest attempt to enshrine a conservative* policy. And if some kids have to get sick or die, well, you can't make a wonderful omlette of conservative utopian policies without breaking a few eggs. By which we mean kids, apparently. Lovely.
August has always been the month in which he got the most people killed.
* I was going to have a cute little moment here when an old conservative comes back from the dead to wag his (undoubtedly, right) finger at me for calling the modern Republican party conservative, when it's clearly a just a coalition of business interests, religious extremists, xenophobic bigots and citizens crazed with fear and clinging to whatever authoritarian branch they can find. But my mind has been so warped by a lifetime of equating "conservativism" with the tofurky pot pie served up by Reagan, Thatcher, et al that the exercise was threatening to sink the whole post. If you must, pretend the ghost of Edmund Burke came back or something.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Why you can't have your secular cake and eat it, too
Strangely enough, this is not a reason to ban spiritual invocations in governmental proceedings, although that was my first reaction. But no. The establishment clause is all we need, even though we kind of give it a wink and a nod in lots of cases.
This should serve nicely as a reminder for all those sensible Republicans (you know, the ones who have been making sure to show their distaste for Bush since 2005) that you can't base yourself on an alliance with religious extremists and not expect shit like this. I know you're just in it for the tax cuts and because Michael Moore is fat and those girls from East Quad had dirty feet and there's something fishy about Al Gore and you can't quite put your finger on it, but think about the choices you're making.
I'm deeply mortified by this, and I'm not quite sure why. I guess I'm embarrassed that such a thing took place in our country. It just adds to our hypocrisy. I think This is how I'd feel if I were an Ohio State fan watching my fellow partisans assault and pour beers on visiting fans in between cooler defecations.
I thank God every day that I'm not a religious extremist, an Ohio State fan or a Republican.
This should serve nicely as a reminder for all those sensible Republicans (you know, the ones who have been making sure to show their distaste for Bush since 2005) that you can't base yourself on an alliance with religious extremists and not expect shit like this. I know you're just in it for the tax cuts and because Michael Moore is fat and those girls from East Quad had dirty feet and there's something fishy about Al Gore and you can't quite put your finger on it, but think about the choices you're making.
I'm deeply mortified by this, and I'm not quite sure why. I guess I'm embarrassed that such a thing took place in our country. It just adds to our hypocrisy. I think This is how I'd feel if I were an Ohio State fan watching my fellow partisans assault and pour beers on visiting fans in between cooler defecations.
I thank God every day that I'm not a religious extremist, an Ohio State fan or a Republican.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Independence Day
It's like you rent the top floor of your house, and you live in a goddamn awesome house.
Your great-great grandparents built it, it's got a ton of room and there's this great view overlooking the ocean, all worth a lot of money, which is nice, but you don't much give a shit about that. It's a kick-ass place, been in the family forever. You have a lot of good parties and on nice days it seems like everybody you know is hanging out on the front lawn.
It's like you rent the top floor of your house, and the 43rd tenant seems nice enough, not that smart but pretty harmless. The kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with.
Right away you notice sketch people coming home with him -- hookers mostly, with the occasional crackhead thrown in. His upstairs toilet starts overflowing and brown water drips through the ceiling into your bedroom below.
"Weird," you think, "this has never happened before," but it's probably no big deal, so you call in a plumber and figure it was a one-time thing. Weird people have lived upstairs before.
And then one day you come home and find out that the 43rd tenant raped your wife and ran over your kid with a dune buggie and that one of his whore daughters shot the family dog because she was bored. Bullet holes pierce the front window and there's this nasty smell coming from the upstairs apartment, which, upon coming home that day, you realize is a meth lab.
You go out to the front yard and call the police and fire department on your cell phone. The cops show up and all of a sudden a pack of hookers and whores and methed-up trannies are dragged kicking over the front lawn, infected snatches bulbing out of their crotchless pants, screaming and cursing and biting themselves. The scene would be embarrassing, but fuck, you've got a dead kid in the driveway and the corpse of your German Shepherd and a wife raped by a meth-cooking tenant. Just end the shitshow and get them out of your sight.
You don't spot your 43rd tenant, which makes sense. I mean, after raping your wife and running over your kid with a dune buggy and packing the upstairs apartment with whores and crackheads and meth equipment, you assume that naturally he's going to run from the cops, because even psychotics have instincts for self-preservation.
Only when you smell the smoke and look back to the house do you realize that the moron's meth lab just blew up and your house is now on fire. And in true David Koresh fashion, there's your fucking 43rd tenant, leaning out the window of the top-floor apartment, giving you the middle finger and staring you down, willing to burn alive and not really caring so long as it's all reduced to ashes and he doesn't get hauled in.
Your great-great grandparents built it, it's got a ton of room and there's this great view overlooking the ocean, all worth a lot of money, which is nice, but you don't much give a shit about that. It's a kick-ass place, been in the family forever. You have a lot of good parties and on nice days it seems like everybody you know is hanging out on the front lawn.
It's like you rent the top floor of your house, and the 43rd tenant seems nice enough, not that smart but pretty harmless. The kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with.
Right away you notice sketch people coming home with him -- hookers mostly, with the occasional crackhead thrown in. His upstairs toilet starts overflowing and brown water drips through the ceiling into your bedroom below.
"Weird," you think, "this has never happened before," but it's probably no big deal, so you call in a plumber and figure it was a one-time thing. Weird people have lived upstairs before.
And then one day you come home and find out that the 43rd tenant raped your wife and ran over your kid with a dune buggie and that one of his whore daughters shot the family dog because she was bored. Bullet holes pierce the front window and there's this nasty smell coming from the upstairs apartment, which, upon coming home that day, you realize is a meth lab.
You go out to the front yard and call the police and fire department on your cell phone. The cops show up and all of a sudden a pack of hookers and whores and methed-up trannies are dragged kicking over the front lawn, infected snatches bulbing out of their crotchless pants, screaming and cursing and biting themselves. The scene would be embarrassing, but fuck, you've got a dead kid in the driveway and the corpse of your German Shepherd and a wife raped by a meth-cooking tenant. Just end the shitshow and get them out of your sight.
You don't spot your 43rd tenant, which makes sense. I mean, after raping your wife and running over your kid with a dune buggy and packing the upstairs apartment with whores and crackheads and meth equipment, you assume that naturally he's going to run from the cops, because even psychotics have instincts for self-preservation.
Only when you smell the smoke and look back to the house do you realize that the moron's meth lab just blew up and your house is now on fire. And in true David Koresh fashion, there's your fucking 43rd tenant, leaning out the window of the top-floor apartment, giving you the middle finger and staring you down, willing to burn alive and not really caring so long as it's all reduced to ashes and he doesn't get hauled in.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Tony Snow's bad acting
Yesterday, the White House's paid liar took umbrage with a simple question asked of him by a reporter. The question: Does our country's policy of throwing people in prison without cause undermine our credibility as spreaders of democracy. Seeing as things like habeas corpus and due process are pretty much essential to a free society, and we're trashing them, I thought it was a fair question.
I originally planned to post the video of Tony Snow's response (which I came across at TPM) side by side with Jim Mora's similarly incredulous "playoffs" rant, under some sort of "Habeas? Are you kidding me? Habeas?" rubric. But repeated viewings of the Snow video have made me ill.
He's just oozing with smarm, pretending to be amazed by the question. Mora came by his reaction honestly. I can't stomach another viewing of the Snow video. From his reaction, he's either a dishonest shitweasel whom you shouldn't give 75 cents to get you a Caramello from the vending machine or he's just a doltish, blow-dried rube who somehow made his way up the ladder. Given that he's worked for both Fox News and the Bush administration, I'd bet the former to the table max. There's something a bit too calculated in his outrage, he's a little too quick to play dumb. He seems just like the type to seize any chance to play the aggrieved party to the hilt for his own benefit. I bet he roots for Italy in soccer tournaments.
And if you ever shot him in the junk with a foam projectile he'd totally flip shit and tell you that he could sue you for that. Because he just doesn't think you appreciate the seriousness of the War on Terror.
I originally planned to post the video of Tony Snow's response (which I came across at TPM) side by side with Jim Mora's similarly incredulous "playoffs" rant, under some sort of "Habeas? Are you kidding me? Habeas?" rubric. But repeated viewings of the Snow video have made me ill.
He's just oozing with smarm, pretending to be amazed by the question. Mora came by his reaction honestly. I can't stomach another viewing of the Snow video. From his reaction, he's either a dishonest shitweasel whom you shouldn't give 75 cents to get you a Caramello from the vending machine or he's just a doltish, blow-dried rube who somehow made his way up the ladder. Given that he's worked for both Fox News and the Bush administration, I'd bet the former to the table max. There's something a bit too calculated in his outrage, he's a little too quick to play dumb. He seems just like the type to seize any chance to play the aggrieved party to the hilt for his own benefit. I bet he roots for Italy in soccer tournaments.
And if you ever shot him in the junk with a foam projectile he'd totally flip shit and tell you that he could sue you for that. Because he just doesn't think you appreciate the seriousness of the War on Terror.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Even Tom Tancredo looks like a genius compared to Bush
Democrats need to remember that not all Republicans are as halfwitted and unlikeable as the deplorable fuckface shit-for-brains in the White House.
Between doing dishes (including a kettle that's been festering since the St. Patrick's Day party) and watching Lost DVDs (its genius clearer than ever) I caught the second half of the Republican debate.
It was startling to hear Republicans utter statements that, if not impressive, were at least lucid and comprehensible. Giuliani, McCain and Romney were all polished and likable. They refused to take cheap shots at immigrants. On terrorism, Iraq and national security, they presented their cases in ways vastly superior to the deplorable fuckface shit-for-brains in the White House. Then Giuliani spoke of the Know-Nothing Party and the nativism of the 1850s with a kind of knowledge and passion that made me think he hasn't completely sold out his New York constituency after all.
This is a problem. Perhaps naively, I've been expecting Democrats to have an easy waltz to the presidency. These Republicans are more persuasive than that. One by one, they denounced neoconservative doctrine and repudiated the President. I occasionally found myself in agreement.
The soft bigotry of low expectations cuts in their favor. Thank the deplorable fuckface shit-for-brains in the White House.
Between doing dishes (including a kettle that's been festering since the St. Patrick's Day party) and watching Lost DVDs (its genius clearer than ever) I caught the second half of the Republican debate.
It was startling to hear Republicans utter statements that, if not impressive, were at least lucid and comprehensible. Giuliani, McCain and Romney were all polished and likable. They refused to take cheap shots at immigrants. On terrorism, Iraq and national security, they presented their cases in ways vastly superior to the deplorable fuckface shit-for-brains in the White House. Then Giuliani spoke of the Know-Nothing Party and the nativism of the 1850s with a kind of knowledge and passion that made me think he hasn't completely sold out his New York constituency after all.
This is a problem. Perhaps naively, I've been expecting Democrats to have an easy waltz to the presidency. These Republicans are more persuasive than that. One by one, they denounced neoconservative doctrine and repudiated the President. I occasionally found myself in agreement.
The soft bigotry of low expectations cuts in their favor. Thank the deplorable fuckface shit-for-brains in the White House.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Crusty, bitter jackass is a dazzler
Paul Weyrich, a godfather of American conservatism, recently observed:
Is Fred Thompson the second coming of Ronald Reagan? Not exactly. Is he, like Reagan, the right man for this desperate hour? That depends on God’s Providence. If we pray hard, God will answer that last question. Right now without announcing formally, Thompson is doing well in the polls. Will his standing go up or down when he becomes a real candidate? I can only guess. I think his standing goes up. In that case we could have a very lively race in November, 2008.I'm not disappointed in this assessment. Rather, I'm disappointed that the once-great Republican Party is casting its net too narrowly. If Thompson -- a B-level actor with a surly personality and an undistinguished public record -- offers such promise, surely there must be others who can help in the return to glory.
Lisa Ruddy.
Is Lisa Ruddy the second coming of Jean Kirkpatrick? Yes. Is she, like Kirkpatrick, a disciplined hardliner who understands the demands of the post-Cold War world? That depends on her ability to evade slime. Unlike Christine "Moose" McGlade, the sure-footed Ms. Ruddy knows too much to say "I don't know." Right now, without formally securing an ambassadorship to the United Nations, Ms. Ruddy has already found a place on Pyongyang's enemies list. Will her standing go up or down? I can only guess. I think her standing goes up. In this case, we very likely have a war with Iran ahead of us.
Christopher Hewitt.Is Christopher Hewitt the second coming of Tom DeLay? All signs point to yes. The surefooted butler-turned-actor-turned-conservative activist brought remarkable discipline to the Owens household. Can he bring similar party discipline to the rancorous House caucus? That depends on whether he can bridge the growing divide between the party's evangelical Christian wing and its more libertarian moderates. Can he resurrect the body of Teri Schiavo? Only the Virgin Mary knows. If we pray hard, She will answer that question. I can only guess, but I think the answer is probably. In that case, we will very likely have a Republican majority restored in 2008.
Matt LeBlanc.Is Matt LeBlanc the Second Coming of Christ Our Lord? Quite likely so. Is he, like Christ, opposed to stem cell research and abortion, and in favor of the Iraq War? I'm sure that he is. Right now, without announcing his candidacy for the Christship, LeBlanc is doing very well. Will his standing go up or down when he turns water into wine and feeds multitudes with five loaves of bread and two small fish? I can only guess, but I say his standing goes up. In that case, I am prepared to anoint Matt LeBlanc the son of God.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Maybe some other time
The President was just on CNN, attempting to explain himself in re: The U.S. Attorney matter. He sounded like one of those people who gets all upset over something mundane when you're out at the bar, and works himself into a tizzy repeating arguments he heard elsewhere. Political points! Partisanship! Klieg lights! Bad precedent!
If I were at a bar with him, I would not have any interest in getting a beer with him. I would be very interested in paying my tab and leaving to join some people who could think for themselves and not act like everything is a direct affront to them individually.
CrimeNotes adds an addendum:
His performance today was awesomely insane, Bush-league Nixon, a freak-out of twitches, snarls, scoffing and stammering. He was a teenager incensed at being grounded for smashing up the car, a crackwhore without the crack. He acted the way I would act if someone made me wear a tux, made me stay up all night, brought me to a flower show, then took away my cigarettes: all restrained rage and blinding discomfort.
He's never been a public speaker. This was altogether different. He seemed unhinged, and he's about to provoke a Constitutional crisis.
Bring it on, you cheap dime-store hood.
If I were at a bar with him, I would not have any interest in getting a beer with him. I would be very interested in paying my tab and leaving to join some people who could think for themselves and not act like everything is a direct affront to them individually.
CrimeNotes adds an addendum:
His performance today was awesomely insane, Bush-league Nixon, a freak-out of twitches, snarls, scoffing and stammering. He was a teenager incensed at being grounded for smashing up the car, a crackwhore without the crack. He acted the way I would act if someone made me wear a tux, made me stay up all night, brought me to a flower show, then took away my cigarettes: all restrained rage and blinding discomfort.
He's never been a public speaker. This was altogether different. He seemed unhinged, and he's about to provoke a Constitutional crisis.
Bring it on, you cheap dime-store hood.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Secrets of Bush speechwriters revealed!
I came across The Rock on HBO recently. In the space of less than 10 minutes I heard the phrases "we are at war with terror" and "you're either with us or against us."
Did all of our foreign policy over the last six years come from this movie? If something like Axis of Evil can get said because it sounded good and made Bush feel like Churchill, what's the limit on absurdity? 'll have to watch the rest of the film in its entirety sometime and report back.
Although somehow I feel that Dr. Strangelove might be more instructive.
Did all of our foreign policy over the last six years come from this movie? If something like Axis of Evil can get said because it sounded good and made Bush feel like Churchill, what's the limit on absurdity? 'll have to watch the rest of the film in its entirety sometime and report back.
Although somehow I feel that Dr. Strangelove might be more instructive.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Fun with quotations
Congressmen who willfully take action during wartime that damage morale and undermine the military are saboteurs, and should be arrested, exiled or hanged. -- Abraham Lincoln, as channeled by Rep. Don Young (R-Alaska) last week during debate on the non-binding Iraq war resolution.
How this didn't become a minor outrage -- or even become one of those "weird news" items that get e-mailed around -- I'll never know. But more important is to be prepared for future ones. Here's some more I soon expect to see on the House floor, uttered by Republicans to support their cause.
"The right and true locus of power is not in a House of Burgesses or any such body, but with a moral man who leads alone." -- Thomas Jefferson.
"It befitf all great men, whatever their belief may actually be, to offer their fupport, fweat and tearf to a ftrong leader in a time of war or ftrife." -- George Washington.
"Fuck Spain. We're taking them out." -- Theodore Roosevelt.
"Commerce is the one true method by which our great nation can make itself into a shining cross of gold on a hill, one upon which the rest of the world may gaze upon in awe." -- William Jennings Bryan.
"Het lijkt met het beste dat ik een eigen bed krijg, want ik ben enorm. Ik slaapwandel en soms gil ik in mijn slaap. Als dat teveel stoort sleept ik voortaan elke avond wel een matras naar de huiskamer." -- Martin Van Buren.
How this didn't become a minor outrage -- or even become one of those "weird news" items that get e-mailed around -- I'll never know. But more important is to be prepared for future ones. Here's some more I soon expect to see on the House floor, uttered by Republicans to support their cause.
"The right and true locus of power is not in a House of Burgesses or any such body, but with a moral man who leads alone." -- Thomas Jefferson.
"It befitf all great men, whatever their belief may actually be, to offer their fupport, fweat and tearf to a ftrong leader in a time of war or ftrife." -- George Washington.
"Fuck Spain. We're taking them out." -- Theodore Roosevelt.
"Commerce is the one true method by which our great nation can make itself into a shining cross of gold on a hill, one upon which the rest of the world may gaze upon in awe." -- William Jennings Bryan.
"Het lijkt met het beste dat ik een eigen bed krijg, want ik ben enorm. Ik slaapwandel en soms gil ik in mijn slaap. Als dat teveel stoort sleept ik voortaan elke avond wel een matras naar de huiskamer." -- Martin Van Buren.
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