[Note from EYNYer: This post has been corrected to satisfy one of my many fans.]
Pay $30 for all the Midori-and-Jack on the rocks that I can drink, while simultaneously hanging out at a super-selective party attended only by the most elite New York bloggers? Now that's my idea of a good time!
So I went to Blogmukkah, which commemorates the anniversary of the time when all of the bloggers rose up and to win a battle against their mothers' basements. It exceeded my expectations in all respects but one.
At first I was really excited to meet CrimeNotes because he invited me to guest-post and because he's super-hot. But the first thing he said to me was, "Wow, you're a chick. I always assumed that you were a high-strung gay dude."
I took offense at that because there's nothing wrong with being gay. Because I'm polite, I tried to change the topic and asked him if he likes Ugly Betty. He said that it's fine but then started talking about football, and then he asked me if I get flack for blogging at work and whether it ever made me nervous to say so much about myself online. I asked him what that was supposed to mean.
"Look dude," he said, "all I'm saying is that someday you'll probably regret saying so much crazy shit about yourself." And I said, "First of all, I'm not a dude, I'm a woman, and second, I live my life without regret, and I pity those who regret." What I really wanted to say is, "CrimeNotes, I
He kept talking to
And then I met Idiot and talked about balding. Fellas, if you're going bald, you need to use Propecia.
But best of all is Flop. He does all kinds of funny dances and he gave me a McDonald's cheeseburger. I told him that he has very womanly hips but that I could deal with that. "Thanks, baby," Flop said. "Wanna make out?" So we did (make out) for awhile (underneath the beer pong table) until I had to go to the bathroom (bad) and when I came out he was distributing more cheeseburgers. Sigh ...
He has this roommate, Her Lease, that annoyed me at first because I wanted to start relationships with some of the boy bloggers, but they were all talking to her instead. Still, Her Lease seems kind of sweet once you get to know her. I wish her luck in relationships.
It was all like Sex and the City but cooler because it's real. I went out to have a cigarette with the drunk brunch girl, who was wearing a scarf made out of sponged intestines. "Don't you sometimes feel like your life is just so exciting and fascinating, and that you're so lucky to be a part of this great big world of blogs and New York?"
"I feel all that," she said, "and more."
In short, except for CrimeNotes, who