Friday, December 08, 2006

Reason 531 not to get married

Because instead of going to see Blood Diamond, I'll end up walking around some stupid shopping mall with a Zale's bag, high-fiving other white douchelords in sweaters about our gem purchases, while the piano overture from a terrible, whispy pop song plays in the background.

This is similar to the reason that I don't believe in saving for retirement. I don't want to end up owning some house on a beach. Spend my golden years worrying about sand erosion and sunburns? No thank you.

12 comments:

Ryan said...

I wish you all the best warmest holiday fuzzies too, man.

CrimeNotes said...

Zale's commercials are the devil.

copyranter said...

Whilst in said mall, listening to said overture, wandering into the always empty piano store and feel the meta deliciousness wash over your body.

Jeff said...

I have met many a woman who has cried at a Zales commercial..I'm still not sure why.

Flop said...

I hate Christmas commercials, especially jewelery-related ones. I haven't seen any of the "Diamonds: Because she'll pretty much have to" variety yet though.

evil girl said...

if we're going to knock consumeristic "diamonds-will-get-you-blown" christmas commercials, please let's not forget jared, which seems to have produced all of its ads around 1987 with the belief that any would actually want a piece of mass-produced diarrhea-styled jewelry.

Flop said...

Any and all thoughts of national-chain bling marts make me feel dead inside. It's probably a combination of snob appeal, unease at the commodification of intimacy and because my great-grandfather, who was a jeweler, moved from Hungary to put out his shingle on the West Side of Cleveland.

I never met him, but I like to think that he and I could bond over a snifter of brandy and what I imagine to be our mutual disgust at such a disservice to an honest and noble craft.

Crunk Raconteur said...

Wait a second, I had been led to believe that going to Jared would be so well received that every person in your significant other's extended family would be able to talk of nothing else.

Next thing you're going to tell me that if I buy a Mac I won't get to be smugly self-satisfied and kind of a dick to my friends.

(Note: given my personality, that is the main reason I can see to buy a mac)

CrimeNotes said...

This talk about Jared reminds me of Reason No. 1 not to go to Subway: I don't want to be some nerdish, glasses-wearing dick who bores other people with tales of eating habits and gets excited about sandwiches.

Flop said...

CrimeNotes is the Jared of cereal for dinner.

CrimeNotes said...

YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DARE NOT MOCK ME FOR LOVING VANILLA SPECIAL K

double entendre said...

I saw Blood Diamond. It began well, but the last 30 minutes are worse than a cutesy Zales commercial. Consider yourself warned. Mofo.