Monday, April 02, 2007

Tournament of Everything, Elite 8: 1 Sumerians v. 14 Jacques Cousteau



And suddenly, the Tournament of Everything is your seventh-grade social studies exam.
Fact: Sumerians thought of themselves as Sue Mary Anns. They had dimples and were adorable.
Fact: Amorites suck.
Fact: Eridu College 28, Nippur State University 38.
Fact: Sue Mary Anns loved music, but still, sickness bathed them.
Fact: Sargon the Great had herpes.
Fact: Prolonged exposure to Utu can cause skin cancer, so apply Utuscreen when outside on bright sunny days.
Fact: Wheels gave Sue Mary Anns boners.
Fact: Gudeau of Lagash's mama was so fat, she DJ'd for ice cream trucks.
Jacques Cousteau était parfaitement beau, je suis sûr, bien que je ne le rappèle pas cela clairement. Il habite sur principalement dans les films de Wes Anderson dans les assauts de requin sur la côte de Floride. Quand j'étais jeune je le genre de pensée qu'il était un ennuyer le gars français. Ses documentaires ont joué parfois sur la Chaîne 47.

Donc regarder. L'eau est bonne et la nature est merveilleuse et j'aime les mers. Un jour j'aimerais aller à une plage (seulement après avoir appliqué Utuscreen, bien sûr), mais jusqu'à ce que ce jour vient, j'enfoncerai aux roues et me baigne dans la maladie. Sumerians 58, Jacques Cousteau 54.

4 comments:

Jaime said...

French? Seriously?

For those of us who never continued our French studies beyond learning how to describe an apartment and count to 60 (French numbers is crazy!), this is what babelfish gives us:

Jacques Cousteau was perfectly beautiful, I am sure, although I it rappèle not that clearly. He lives on mainly in films of Wes Anderson in the attacks of shark on the coast of Florida. When I was young I it kind of thought which it was one to annoy the French guy. Its documentary played sometimes on Chain 47.

Thus to look at. Water is good and nature is marvellous and I like the seas. One day I would like to go to a beach (only after having applied Utuscreen, of course), but until this day comes, I will insert with the wheels and bathes me in the disease.


I don't know if I love you or hate you.

crimenotes said...

I don't know if I love you or hate you.

Most people choose both.

Flop said...

Jacques Cousteau was perfectly fine, I'm sure, but I don't recall him that clearly. He lives for me mostly in Wes Anderson movies and shark attacks off the coast of Florida. When I was young, I was the kind of person who was bored by French dudes. His documentaries sometimes played on Channel 47.

As far as that goes, water is good and nature is wonderful and I love the oceans. One day I'm going to go to the beach (only after having applied Utuscreen, of course), but until that day comes, I will stick to wheels and swim in disease.

Jaime said...

Pfft. I like my version better.