Hollywood is better off without you, lazy union commies
By Ohio Independent Moderate
Get back to work, you lazy, greedy bums. Oh, boo-hoo, you didn't get enough from DVD sales. Maybe if you had been smart enough to innovate, to come up with the idea of selling DVDs, then you would have a claim to it. But this, this is an outrage -- you're just trying to use your leverage to profit off the work of others. God, I hope the strike ruins all of your careers. Well, faster than they would have been wrecked anyway.
Hey, did you notice? Reality shows don't need you! That's right, the market has decided you're surplus to requirements, just like those money-grubbing autoworkers who ruined GM and Ford and forced all those jobs from my state overseas. Not to mention let all those faggoty imports clog up our highways. (And the grill of my uncle's F-250!) But at least the autoworkes they did real work, man's work. You just fucking ... write!
Seriously, what's your biggest workplace hazard? Sprained predicate? Maybe latte burns? You sit at your coffee shops and type away on your MacBooks and whatever, and you come up with ways for Desperate Housewives to entertain us. Like anyone couldn't do that. You know what, I hope this provides a chance for some hard-working young men and women. See? They're willing to work, unlike you guys. This is what's wrong with America, people can just not go in to work and not get fired. Those fucking studio execs are such pussies. If I were in charge, I'd fire all of you, then hire some young kids who really wanted to work. I'd have them write some good movies, too, like 300. None of this shit with the fucking talking rats in French kitchens (although I'm sure the part about rats in Paris kitchens was totally accurate. I bet they'd surrender as soon as the exterminator came.) What Hollyweird needs is a non-biased studio. We'd refuse to work with unions and then we could do some real movies. Like Petraeus. Oh man, Mel Gibson would be great in that. And maybe a thriller about the War on Terror. Or a dystopian flick in which a Young Republican, writing for The Corner, saves the world from dhimmitude. Caliphate: America would be a great name for it. Or maybe the United States of Mexico. And a movie about the Minutemen, too. That would be great.
Oh, this is totally what's going to happen. Hollyweird union slugs, you just made the biggest mistake of your lives. A real movie studio, free from all the stupid Hollywood shit! That's what we need to counteract all the liberal bullshit coming from Hollywood. Suck it, Michael Moore! I bet your a Meatchicken fan, too! HA HA! Tressel owns your ass! Or he would if he wanted to own 300 pounds of fat! Yeah, I said it, you're fat, Michael Moore, you Wolverine-lover. Ann Arbor is a whore!
Whoops, sorry. My cousin Wayne is a huge fan, and sometimes, I can hear his voice even when he's not here. Sorry about that, Wayne. Anyway, this writers' strke is the best thing to happen to Hollywood since Ronald Reagan. Fucking unions. They should be illegal. Or at least they should for limp-wristed girly men like fucking TV writers! Oh, thanks for Mr. Belvedere, assholes. Where would we be without you?