Careful what I wish for

At the moment I type this, I'm watching a show on E! called "50 Cutest Child Stars: All Grown Up." And it's so wonderfully inane and giggleworthy, that I feel its miscast in its Thursday prime-time slot. This is one of those shows you watch when hungover on a Saturday or Sunday after football season's over and there's no good college basketball games on.

Anyway, the Jason Bateman item (I think he was No. 37) was funny and well done. With only one reference to Teen Wolf Too.

Incidentally, it sounds as if the narrator is Candace Cameron, who starred with another child star who seems to be the focus of far too goddamn many internet searches. In fact, at this point, I'm only still wathching to see if you-know-who shows up. We've just blown through Thora Birch and Amanda Bynes, so I'm guessing she'll be top 10 at this point. Let's say ... no. 4.

Also of note: The show had one of the sublimely awful Bay Ridge Toyota commercials, which made it all worthwhile, even if I did get so sick of things that I just recorded it, then came back and fast forwarded to see the final order of finish.

Final thoughts from ""50 Cutest Child Stars: All Grown Up" only on E!:

• I'm so glad I recorded this. I stopped the fast forwarding when I saw an adult Soleil Moon Frye on the screen. They began her segment with a clip from Punky Brewster in which Frye's title character, announced to her guardian: "Henry, I'm getting boobs!" Which is awesomeness, because later, the actress would become known for her bodacious cans. We also learned that she was teased and called "Punky Boobster" before she had her now-famous breast-reduction surgery (chronicled in People mag). Excellent.
  
• I was right. Candace Cameron was narrating. Make that Candace Cameron Bure, whatever. She's D.J. Tanner. And her co-host: Keshia Knight-Pulliam, a.k.a. Rudy Huxtable.
  
• Candace's brother, Kirk Cameron, came in at No. 12. "In the mid-80s, Kirk Cameron was the Brad Pitt of his day." Um, if you say so, Rudy. Now he stars as a character called Buck Williams. No, not in porn. In the "Left Behind" series of movies. Um, they didn't mention that quite so specifically on the show. But as a service to you, the reader, I dug that up.
• Knight-Pulliam (No. 11) is pretty damn hot. I'm trying not to think about her on "The Cosby Show" now. I don't think she could ever out-sultry Lisa Bonet, though.
  
• No. 10 is Gary Coleman. Too easy. But of note, we did get to hear D.J. did say "gubernatorial." There should have been an episode in which Uncle Jesse ran for California governor.
  
• Coulier has been spotted! Three guesses which star(s) prompted this top-10 hit. No shots of anyone else hoovering coke at velvet-rope hotspots, though.
  
• Outstanding. Alyssa Milano has maintained world-class levels of hotness for like, what, two decades? She should have been honored with the No. 1 spot. Alas, there's probably not that many heterosexual males calling the shots at E! methinks. Samanther was no. 5.
  
• No. 4 is the kid who was Elliott in E.T. His name is Henry Thomas. And is apparently a serious actor and stuff. I wonder if Drew Barrymore made the list?
• Yep. No. 3. Super cute. We all know this story. Rehab at 13. Adam Sandler movies after. Success ensues.
  
• And here's a shot of Macaulay Culkin with a mullet. He's No. 2. Which means No. 1 is going to be someone who's not Jodie Sweetin. Which is not disappointing at all. I'd like to point out that Culkin was good in "Saved!" which was not as subversive as you've heard.
• No. 1 is ... all three Simpsons kids. This is a pretty serious cop-out. E!, you suck. Now go stand in the corner with ESPN Classic.