Monday, January 02, 2006

Clear skies, unfortunately

Reduced, for the moment, to hatin' ...

Tonight's forecast for Tempe, Ariz.:

Partly sunny. Breezy. Highs 68 to 73. East wind 5 to 15 mph in the morning...becoming south 15 to 25 mph in the afternoon.

No Active Advisories (US Severe Weather)

Well, that's not very promising. It also appears that no meteors or potentially hazardous space junk are, at this time, streaking menacingly toward the Southwestern United States.

So what are we left with? Well, I suppose there's the chance of food poisoning _ having both teams felled by gastric distress would be mildly giggleworthy. As would a plague of frogs or locusts _ signalling God's displeasure at the hubris of Notre Dame (we all know Boston College is His chosen* team, anyway) and the missing-link visage of A.J. Hawk.

But all of these things seem unlikely. So I'm reduced to hoping for a soul-crushing loss for one of these odious programs. Thankfully, I'm pretty sure Ohio State is capable of delivering one, despite Charlie Weis' pork-chop-fueled genius. I'll go ahead and predict a final score of 41-13.

* Yeah, I know, I know. Just think about it, though: God's team can't go undefeated every year, but I'm pretty sure the big man wouldn't countenance losing to Michigan State under any circumstances. And there's still that field goal in 1993, bitches.

I'd also point out that Michigan leads the all-time series with both of God's purported squads. And Satan's, too.


Crunk Raconteur said...

That was almost an excellent prediction, if not for a series of weird screwups that kept the Buckeyes from putting the win away until late (the two...TWO!...blocked FGs and the one hiccup in an otherwise great performance by noted Wolverine-killer Troy Smith...hey Troy, once you're even with the linebackers, just consider your option already exercised), and delayed my derisive mocking of the "Return To Glory" under noted "genius" (which is to say, "white guy") Charlie Weis for quite a while.

My roommate and I were, however, content to amuse ourselves with wondering exactly what A.J. Hawk said to Brady Quinn after sacking him (I would say, especially since HMQ2K6's previous moniker makes me think that, during her reign, such things are fair game, but I will refrain out of deference to the deposed HMQ2K5).

Crunk Raconteur said...

Actually, speaking of the somewhat-terrifying Laura Quinn, I just have to say this, as both an Ohio State fan and a Notre Dame-hater:

"Laura, you totally should NOT have been wearing the half-jersey. You should have been wearing the whole Notre Dame jersey. I mean, you have been dating Hawk for what, five months? I think that's what he said during an interview. Five months? THAT'S YOUR BROTHER, FOR GOD SAKE! Maybe an Ohio State hat or something, but the jersey should have been ND."

Thank you.

Flop said...

Maybe wearing the gray (always a dynamic color choice) jersey was her protest, because as far as I know, the Buckeyes have never worn gray jerseys.

Anyone care to quote odds on us being subjected to her as an ESPN sideline reporter at some point in the next two years?

Question for crunk: Does your roommate not read us?