If this bit of news is, or was long ago, on DCist or Wonkette, I apologize, because I actually came across it on the WMATA website. Apparently, they're holding a contest to find a new voice to replace the slightly nasal, slightly husky, plaintive "doors closing" voice currently in effect.
Irresponsible, likely erroneous predictions:
_ They'll make the message longer. So it'll go from "doors closing" which pretty much effectively describes what's coming up, to some more bullshit. Like "Doors are now closing. Thanks for riding the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority's Metrorail _ America's Subway." This assumes that Congress won't rename it ReaganRail.
_ They'll fuck it up and pick a worse voice. When I dwelt in the D.C. area, I always thought that the voice sounded as if it were coming from someone in a sort of forced trance _ possibly induced by having to repeat the phrase "doors closing" multiple times until every member of the WMATA's board, five members of Congress and three sound engineers all agreed it was the perfect take. There's just something strange about the sound of that voice. Now, I assume the new one will be annoyingly chipper and conversational, like those automated voices when you call Amtrak or something and have to navigate with voice commands. Or, say, like the male and female voices on the 1-2-3 and 4-5-6 lines here in New York. (Aside: Am I the only one who wants them to argue, Airplane!-style? "Come on, Elyse. Transfer has always been available to the R, N and W trains. And what's this shit about Metro North? You know that's only at 42nd St-Grand Central. You're just upset that Alexandra called me after all these years." No? Just me? OK, let's move on.
I urge all Cole Slaw Blog readers to enter the contest _ just think, you could be immortalized in tinny resonance for decades to come! More important, however, would be the fun of riding the metro in D.C. and knowing that one of my crunk or evil friends was advising me that thedoors were, in fact, fixin' to close.
I hope WMATA puts the winning voice and some of the best _ and worst _ other entries on its website. Hearing someone ham it up for a subway voice recording would rule.
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5 comments:
Just one question: What exactly were you doing on the Metro website in the first place? Were you that worried I'd get lost on my commute home tonight?
I'm trying to convince everyone I know to enter the contest, which has actually been pretty heavily promoted down here (most people I know tend to know about it).
CR asks some excellent questions. What compels a lad dwelling in New York to frog around on a D.C. subway site, then encourage a geographically dispersed readership (numbering in the moderately plural) to enter a contest to be the voice of the D.C. subways?
As usual, I can't figure out whether I consider this to be a new highpoint for you, or if it's just weirdness.
By the way, the link included in the post is screwy, and apparently involves wine and Seahawks.
I assumed as much. One critical misstep _ having recording industry people pick the winner _ let people vote online! The voice is the people's choice.
Also: smart of them to make it a contest and do it for free. Although if I ever own my own subway system, I'm having James Earl Jones record all announcements.
This is your weirdest interest yet.
What about my interest in the rare and unnamed cognitive disorder in which sufferers perceive all foodstuffs to be Big League Chew?
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