Thursday, September 21, 2006

An open letter

Dear whoever it was who did all the previous home improvement in what is now my new bedroom:

Dude, seriously. A giant freaking red wall? To go with three tan ones? Did you think doing the whole room in red would look cool, but you ran out of paint? Or were you going to try gray and purple, but thought it wouldn't look random enough?

Actually, wait. Don't answer that yet. Because I want to know what you were thinking when you decided to run the cable line along the ceiling above the red wall, like post-industrial crown molding for the Information Age. Brilliance.

The overall effect was Communist Apartment Bloc meets Builder's Square Dadaism. You must be very proud of your degree from Plovidiv Tech.

After having laid down two coats of primer this afternoon trying to cover up your installation-art homage to The Shining, I also want to thank you for painting the coax red, too. That was fun, painting that two feet over my head. Your unstinting attention to detail shows, in the way you soaked red paint into every crevice of the outlet covers, too. I guess blue tape would have just messed with your artistic flow.

The previous tenant was man enough to shrug off your hackery and get on with his life. I can do no such thing. Consider yourself on notice.

Regards,

Flop

66 comments:

Anonymous said...

Priss.

Anonymous said...

Flop, it's called an accent wall. I'm surprised you didn't know that, priss.

Anonymous said...

As I lived there for two years...does that make me a moron, also a priss, or just lazy? And do you want me to contact the prior tennent, we might be actually able to track 'em down, you know...

Anonymous said...

You're not the priss, Brian. He's the priss for whining about decor.

It's called paint. Live with it.

Anonymous said...

umm maybe the tenant (note sp.) was a heroin addict and that is merely blood up the walls.

who cares anyway you got a fuckin roof over ya head

Anonymous said...

OMG i just moved into a place down the L.E.S and every wall was painted some disgusting vomit flavoured colour. One wall was red, others were blue, others were phlegm. It must be so common. I just got a painter in though.

Anonymous said...

True story:
Freshman year dorm room, post-occupation by psycho roommate: an entire wall covered in crayon scrawlings a la a thriller film.

Anonymous said...

The previous tenant was probably a Sex and the City fan. Big painted one of his bedroom walls red, leaving the others tan, at one point.

Anonymous said...

hey,
sorry about your room. Your blog goes somewhat hand in hand with mine... ill link you if you link me.

thanks,
eytan
www.potatosaladcafe.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

i am moving out of a place with a guy who i cleaned up after regularly. he shaves his head, i cleaned the droppings. gross. not once did he clean the toilet. he hung his heavy metal shirts to dry in the bathroom. he would start his wash at 11 pm at night. leave dishes out w/out rinsing. what a wack job. i have little tolerance for mentally under nourished but i stood fast for 11 months.

Anonymous said...

My new apartment's previous tenant was color blind and painted our kitchen shit brown and thought the cabinets would be nicely accented with florescent orange!
Fabulous, i'm embarassed to have people over...

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