Monday, May 21, 2007

No brains? Here, these fireworks should suffice

In which Flop takes on Detroit and strawmen.

Now don't get me wrong. I like Detroit and the Detroit area. I feel like it's kind of a second hometown for me. Like Detroit and Cleveland were brothers growing up, and Detroit was the more successful one for a while, but has fallen hard, while Cleveland's just making do with what it has. Which isn't much.

That said, with the Pistons the only thing between me and getting to see my team play for the NBA title, we're going to set aside all our warm fuzzies and get some bile going. I think my (temporary) Detroit hatred will come to a head next Sunday night, when the Indians take on the Tigers and the Pistons are making excuses for why another budding superstar wearing No. 23 and playing for a regional rival is sending their crumbling dynasty for another Viking funeral.

Thus is the gauntlet thrown down in Motown. As for the straw, I'm getting a sense that the national media is treating LeBron James and the Cavaliers with a collective yawn this postseason. I'm aware that the Wizards were zombies on a strict vegetarian diet and the Nets weren't actually that good. But still, LeBron is averaging 26 points, eight rebounds and eight assists. That ain't nothing, for those of you who think he's going through the motions. I mean, if you take half his assists (remember, an assist is worth at least two points) and convert them to points of his own, he's looking at 34, 8 and 4. Kobe would covet those numbers more than the ability to fuck women besides his wife.

Yes, I realize that American sports are structured so that "moments" rather than sustained excellence, is what we get all excited about. Here's hoping LeBron can sustain his current, peerless form while also providing some sparkle for the bellowing heads to ooh and ahh over.

Zombies and sportswriters love fireworks.

6 comments:

crimenotes said...

Koi!

Cock D said...

You know who else likes fireworks?

Yinzers.

33,000 of them will show up at PNC Park to watch the Succos if there are fireworks.

But if they aren't blowing things up, they'll pull 11,000 fans.

Suckers.

CrimeNotes said...

And Cleveland loves losing.

Flop said...

Ooh, all of a sudden we're making fun of Pittsburgh. I like this game.

Wasn't one of those zombie movies filmed/set in Pittsburgh? If only they could eat mandibles instead of brains ...

Cock D said...

"Night of the Living Dead" was filmed here as were some of the sequels, I believe.


And no, we are not making fun of Pittsburgh, we are making fun of yinzers. I draw a distinction as a person whose parents are from elsewhere (upper midwest), who has lived elsewhere (New York), who has an advanced education (JD,woot!) and who speaks in a fashion that employs proper word selection and clear diction. Oh - and as someone who would rather have Michigan season tickets than Steelers season tickets.

Quite frankly, I believe that God put yinzers on the earth to fully entertain us and to provide proper subjects for merciless economic extraction. Which works well until they elect a yinzer to the mayors office....

Flop said...

Good point, Cock D. And it was one that, as they say "needed made."