Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Ending Floptober with a bang

Yes, I'm back. I traveled across the country and back, and even gazed upon Niagara Falls and Toronto, but never crossed the border. Some things I learned along the way:

  • Nothing in the sports-fan world is more stressful than watching postseason baseball. But really, nothing is more stressful than being three time zones away from the game, with the sun shining outside while your ace pitcher struggles with his control.
  • Going to In-N-Out burger before you even check into your hotel in southern California is always a good move. Seriously. Apparently there's even one you can walk to from LAX.
  • It actually can rain in southern California. And the next day, the views from Mulholland Drive will be incredible, even if they're just of the freaking San Fernando Valley.
  • When holding up the bride or groom to dance the Hora, tipping the chair slightly backward is a good idea. Just trust me on this one.
  • Photo booths should be at all wedding receptions. Failing that, a Polaroid works pretty well.
  • You know what else is stressful? Watching through the window of the restaurant while the valet gets your car as a dangerous hitter keeps fouling off pitches with men on base. Especially when you have to leave before the at-bat is over.
  • Contrarily, nothing is easier than sitting on a transcontinental flight, reading the New York Times and The Wall Street Journal cover to cover and getting the occasional scoring update from air traffic control. Until you see Jacobs Field out the window, and hope for fireworks or some sort of sign that the Indians won, dammit.
  • If you're going to take your dog outside to run back and forth between you and your father, you'd probably better make sure there's no rabbits hiding in the bushes, or she'll be off like a shot, and you'll have to run her down while holding your Great Lakes Dortmunder Gold or Bell's Two-Hearted Ale. Although you'll laugh your ass off anyway.
  • If you're standing by a craps table and two cute women who don't really know the rules are rolling the dice, for God's sake, put your money down asap.*
  • If you're holding your friend's three-month old son in the crook of your arm while wearing a tuxedo and giving him a bottle at a wedding reception ... yeah, people are going to take a lot of pictures of you.
  • Michigan apparently ran a trick play for the winning score on Saturday night, probably while I was drinking Canadian beer and dancing like an idiot. Who knew?
  • There's nothing quite so sad as a missed opportunity for joy. But going to In-N-Out burger would probably salve the wounds nicely.

* Strangely, if she's the wife of one of your best friends in the world and still wearing her wedding dress, you'd think this would count triple. But apparently, no. No, not at all.

6 comments:

dmbmeg said...

Those pictures? Scary.

On the bright side, the number of Frank TV episodes you are required to watch is kept at a minimum.

DrunkBrunch said...

Some of the NYC bloggers are coming home with me soon (to watch that team that shall not be named). They're requesting Bell's beer and Steak 'N Shake. I'll see what I can do!

flop said...

Yes, I do not have to watch the five episodes of Next Great American Band or whatever. I will, however, enjoy my four episodes of Frank TV.

That guy ... such a card.

Mr. Shain said...

the day after a great rain in los angeles is the best, especially in winter when you can be in the hills and see the ocean and downtown surounded by snow capped mountains all at the same time.

crimenotes said...

So: What's everybody being for Halloween?

evil girl said...

you