Some trips will keep me away from this project for about a week. If you're bored, I suggest you reflect on how much you think I hate the city of Boston, triple it, and then have an imaginary argument with me about what a dick I am, or, alternatively, nod quietly in agreement and feel relief that you're not the only one who hates that dead city and its rancid baseball team.*
Make yourself at home while I'm gone. I left a spare set of keys at the bar down the street, and there are fresh towels and linens for your convenience. Help yourself to whatever's in the fridge, but I'm pretty sure the milk is spoiled, so sniff before you drink. Always glad to help.
*Some of you like the Red Sox. I've been dealing with this for the better part of a decade. It doesn't make me think less of you. I've even gone to bars to watch games with you, and pretended to support the team out of concern for your emotional well being. Instead of getting pissed at me for hating all things affiliated with that heinous fucking city ("Wouldn't it be great if we combined the worst of Staten Island and Park Slope as one?") think about what a nice loyal friend I am for being supportive while I gnash my teeth. You may deserve happiness, but no one in Boston does. Go Indians.
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9 comments:
CrimeNotes,
It's good to see you are taking my advice and attempting to semi take interest in another sport besides college football.
Have fun this weekend. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And play nice.
Flop,
I'm committing you to 8 episodes of Frank TV is the Indians win.
Yes, you get credit for opinions about teams and cities that have been evolving since I was in third grade.
You're sassy.
Quite sassy.
No no, Dmbmeg...as the originator of the Frank TV vow during game 2, which was originally 3 episodes (I brought Flop into it when I needed a little extra juice, and it produced the infamous invasion of the Canadian Soldiers, and we increased it to 4 in extra innings), we will be making a new vow in the ALCS. It all depends on what show FOX decides to jam down our throats (see also, HIS FATHER IS THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY!!!!).
An early front-runner is "New Amsterdam"...look it up, and bask in the almost-guaranteed craptacularity!
Wait, wait, wait. There's a New Amsterdam?
Is anyone else happy that Tony Gwynn won't be calling the ALCS?
If I have to listen to him explain to me that a baserunner in the green section of the "leadoff tracker" has "a pretty good lead" and that a runner in the red "isn't really a threat to steal" I may throw a hammer through my TV.
So, wait, let me get this straight, Tony, someone who is past the cut of the grass has got a good lead? Also, Travis Haffner or vMart aren't potential base stealers? Really? Thanks for explaining that every half inning.
How about the entire last season of America's Next Top Model IN A ROW.
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