Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Hook 'em Horns

What happens when you mix third-tier pop bands with college football? Ladies and gents, I direct you to Bubba Sparxx and Big 'N Rich, whose tainted ditties have transformed College Gameday into an endurance test.

They unfortunately started a trend. I speak, of course, of the song "Hook 'em Horns" by Cowboy Troy. I would like to describe the song as a mix of "Devil Went Down to Georgia" and frat-party gang rape anthem, but that would be a little too subtle. The song begins with screams of "Hook! Hook! Hook 'em Horns!" and Metallica-style guitar before transitioning to enthusiastic fiddle playing that accompanies lyrics like, "In come the Longhorns, spread the word," "that ain't a lightning strike, that's a touchdown pass," "defense like a horde of bees," and "Southern-fried rage comin' out the cage."

Is it the Longhorns? Or is it thunder?

As one of the iTunes reviews points out, this song is the best thing ever to happen to Texas A&M.

I expect this to spawn imitators, including Uncle Kracker's "I Party With Sparty," 'Lil Kim's "I Fuck High with a Buckeye," and the Black Eyed Peas' "Bobby Bowden's Humps." Michigan will, of course, forego this trend, and opt for its traditional pained silence.

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