Sunday, October 29, 2006

Trick or treat

Almost every day or night, I stop off at my corner bodega for something. A coffee, sweet with milk and sugar and the promise of wakefulness in the morning. A beer from the tubs of ice in front after a long day at work. A bottle of water before I go play hockey on Sundays. I'm a familar face.

At night, a wizened and round Korean man sits behind the counter. I always nod hello to him when I walk in and wish him a good night when I complete my purchases. He always gruffly nods and ignores me and I wonder it's just that he's embarrassed by his English, or that he's unhappy with his lot in life. It always troubles me just a little bit as I take those seven steps out the front door from the counter to the sidewalk.

On my way home on a cold and blustery Saturday night, I stopped in before retiring. As I made my selection from the cooler, I noticed three people in Halloween costumes walk in. All were dressed festively, but I couldn't discern what their costumes represented. I watched them go off to buy beer and decided it wasn't worth further effort to figure out. I turned back to the counter where a fourth reveler stood, completing her purchase.

Considering the weather, I was impressed with her commitment: She wore a minskirt and some sort of top that covered her barely more than a sports bra. As I was noting the gooseflesh on her exposed abdomen, I realized I probably shouldn't stare, even though she was dressed up as a hooker. I flicked my eyes upward to look at her hair, which seemed oddly messy and stringy. As I did this, she turned around and asked if I would like a blowjob.

I politely demurred.

"Everyone wants a blowjob"

She addressed the man behind the counter: "Am I right?"

He ignored her and she collected her purchase (two packs of condoms, ribbed) and change, and bounced out the side door, where a black BMW sat at the curb.

I looked at the man behind the counter and we were both silent for a moment, before he broke up giggling like a 10-year-old kid, his face more alive than I'd ever seen it.


Crunk Raconteur said...

I think there needs to be an addition to the CSB Urban Dictionary. There has to be some term for "random blowjobs offered to Flop in bodegas."

There just has to.

CrimeNotes said...

Flopositioned by a Flopstitute..

If I understand properly, this was a real whore, not just a pretend, Turkish whore.

Crunk Raconteur said...

Ah. I was confused. I thought this was someone in a whore halloween costume (which is fantastic) who was kind of getting into the spirit a bit much.

Either that, or she was drawn in by the Flopomones.

tommy o said...

flopositioned - a major league woman throwing herself at someone who is playing single A ball.

also, Flop, the details really make this post. "Ribbed" because what is she getting out of the deal... besides money.

beast of burden said...

Flop wrote: "As I did this, she turned around and asked if I would like a blowjob."

Note that she did not actually Floposition him ... she merely asked if he wanted a blowjob. He could have said, "Yes, of course -- when I meet the right lady," and gone on his way. Or if Flop were a cop, she would have the plausible legal defense that she did not actually offer him sex for money; she was just nosy. That was one savvy hooker.

Flop said...

Between the cagily-crafted Floposition line and the canny purchase of ribbed condoms, I'm going to say that she definitely was making optimal use of her assets, including time.

And to think, some people get MBAs to learn this shit.