Sunday, July 30, 2006

Extreme heat and excessive socializing make for lousy blogging

This is the first time in nine nights when I'm not at some kind of bar or party. The oddly busy social calendar has been keeping me off the blog.

While I've been enjoying myself greatly, those nights haven't provided postworthy material. Nevertheless, happy 29th birthday to HMQ2K5; to certain others, I'm sure you passed the bar exam, so chill; and I forbid the rest of you to leave for either California or the Middle East.

Speaking of which, I have no useful insights, other than to wonder whether Israel is Sal and Lebanon is Radio Raheem. (Further thoughts are available here.)

Similarly weighty insights:
  • As much as Joe Lieberman deserves to lose, on a personal level I feel damn sorry for the guy. Like others before him, he's his own worst enemy.
  • I've always associated Mel Gibson with David Hasselhoff. Maybe as a kid, Road Warrior and Knight Rider seemed like first cousins. Hasselhoff clearly has grown up to be the more respectable of the two.
  • Mike Bloomberg is another tool. After reading this, no one to the left of Alberto Gonzalez should defend him.
  • This message board thread on The Hold Steady's upcoming fall release isn't much to go by, but it's enough to make me excited.
  • Hey, I've invented two new emoticons. (_I_) is when someone is being an ass. [Update: this apparently has been discovered already. Curses! -CN.] de(in)ed is a new way to write the word "indeed." Maybe that's not an emoticon, but I think I'm pretty smart.
  • I wrote about it awhile back, but Hey Jenny Slater is truly an excellent site. He alternates between SEC football and some well thought-out posts about subjects like Iran. There's nothing more boring than a predictable blog, but like many of my other favorites, Doug is interested in just about everything.
  • I've been wanting to write about Baghdad Girl but haven't found the right moment or words. Click through and see for yourself.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Utopia on the Danube

While I'll try not to regale you with too many tales of my travels, I would like to share one important Eureka moment I had while in Vienna.

There's just something strangely familiar, yet not recognizeable at all about that city. I spent my three days there trying to lay my finger on exactly what it reminded me of. For sure, it wasn't any American city. Nowhere in the U.S. can anyone find such a confluence of friendly, well-educated and happy resisdents; excellent public transport via bus, tram, subway and commuter rail; and such clean, well-maintained streets and buildings.

I was mulling all this on the morning of my second day in town as I walked past the entrance to the Schwedenplatz U-Bahn station. I happened to look up and saw a small, but wide pedestrian street named Hafnersteig. I immediately took a picture, thinking there could be nothing cooler than a street, no matter how inconsequential, named for Travis Hafner. I thought to myself If I were mayor, I'd totally do that. Wait a minute: If I were mayor ...

It hit me. Vienna was just a real version of every town 've ever been happy to have created in SimCity. Of course. It all made sense now. The excellent transit. The joie de vivre (OK: Lebensfreude) amongst the populace. A bigass park. Things named for shit I like. Vienna is what I've had in mind any time I've Goldie Wilsoned a city of ones and zeroes.

I continued walking along the Ringstrasse, giddily satisfied to have solved the mystery, hoping Michael Hรคupl set disasters to "off," lest my vacation be marred by a totally preventable UFO or Godzilla attack.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Welcome back, asshole

From: CrimeNotes
To:
Flop
Cc:
HMQ2K5
Date:
Jul 24, 2006 11:23 AM
Subject: wow


Your punching bruised up my arm pretty bad. Thanks for that.
From: Flop
To: CrimeNotes
Cc: HMQ2K5
Date: Jul 24, 2006 7:08 PM
Subject: Re: wow

It's not my fault you're a such a daisy.
Besides, wasn't the punching in retaliation for you doing something to me?
From: CrimeNotes
To:
Flop
Cc:
HMQ2K5
Date:
Jul 24, 2006 9:37 PM
Subject: Re: wow


Fucking hell.

I wish i could quit you.
From: Flop
To: CrimeNotes
Cc: HMQ2K5
Date: Jul 24, 2006 10:50 PM
Subject: Re: wow

For someone who used to get so skittish at anything within shouting distance of gay, you sure are prancing about lately. First your impromptu feather-boa jazzercise, then the man bag and the capri pants, now this.
From: CrimeNotes
To:
Flop
Cc:
HMQ2K5
Date:
Jul 24, 2006 11:02 PM
Subject: Re: wow


Great. Fall down on your ass at some chick's birthday party then get a bag to carry work shit, and all hell breaks loose.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Farewell to Queens

After four years in New York's least-fancied and least fancy borough, I'm about to become a resident of Manhattan again. I'm not quite sure how I feel about this yet.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not ambivalent about my new place (very nice and well-located, with a roof made for grilling and late-night hooting and/or hollering). And I'm not at all ambivalent about my new roommate, a good friend with whom I have dwelt before.

What has me conflicted is leaving overlooked, middle-child Queens for the glittering canyons of Manhattan. I feel like a minor turncoat, as if I've spurned the girl next door for the leggy captain of the soccer team. Sure, I'm making a choice I'm happy with, but what I'm giving up is not insubstantial. That said, this isn't really a lament, it's just an update.

My friends and place of business will be closer. I won't be prisoner to subway vagaries that include different lines serving my stop at different times of day, too-frequent weekends without service in one direction and a G train which seems scheduled by the insane. I won't have to explain to people not from here where Astoria is, while they nod and say "Oh, OK" as if I've suddenly started speaking in Finnish.

On the other hand, I'll be paying more in rent. I'll no longer smugly be able to leave my house an hour before my plane is scheduled to leave LaGuardia, or 30 minutes before the first pitch at Shea. The best Thai food in the city (don't just take my word _ Romania can't get enough, either) no longer will be a phone call away. The Greek cafes on Broadway or the Czech beer garden near Astoria Boulevard will require special trips.

I don't look forward to telling the staff at the laundromat in my neighborhood that I'm leaving, and not only because I'm not quite sure how to say it in Spanish. The Columbian bakery, home of the 90-cent cafe con leche, with the milk properly hot and the coffee properly strong? Might as well be in Medellin.

If, when winter comes I want one, I'll be left to shell out four times as much for a crappier drink at Starbucks if I want something remotely similar. And the Columbian hot chocolate, made with cinnamon and spices and poured out of a battered tin pitcher ... well, let's just say I don't think that quite comes with your tabletop s'mores kit at Cosi.

I'll miss my immigrant-run bodegas, all four of them (Korean, middle Eastern, Dominican and south Asian, each with its own subtle variations in its selection of beverages, newspapers and familiar customers). I won't be able to, on a whim, go to the local Irish bar and gamble at the OTB on the second floor. I will no longer walk past the door of the "social club" on the corner, peering in for a look at the crusty, vaguely menacing old men sipping beer and playing cards. There will be no more marveling at the old butcher shops that still cater to sturdy immigrant women with itchy-looking dresses and handcarts they aren't afraid to use as weapons. No more curbside haggling with black-cab drivers in their clattering old Town Cars.

I'm leaving this whole shabbily loveable patchwork behind for the starched shirts and swept streets of Manhattan.

I know it's for a number of good reasons, and I'm definitely looking forward to living with a good friend and former roommate. I'm excited to be moving to a bigger apartment, with a better location and, yes, better roofdeck (though I'll miss the scene from my own _ watching planes lazily spiral to Earth at three airports with the Manhattan skyline and East River bridges as a backdrop). And even though the knowledge that I'll be able to walk to the greenmarket at Union Square is one of those things yuppies spring granite-countertop hard boners when they're discussing their apartments over a round of lychee-tinis at Spice Market, I'm sufficiently eager to get good produce without the intervention of FreshDirect that I'm going to overlook that confluence, and I know you will too. I'm excited to be moving to Manhattan, and it's definitely time for me to move, but at the same time, I feel like a small part of me is being left behind.

I know in my head that this is a good move, a move that is highly likely to make me happier and my life easier and more rewarding. My heart just hasn't caught up yet.

This isn't a lament, just an update.

Monday, July 24, 2006

...Like the Fat Kid in Dodgeball

Well, with the return of Flop (incidentally, frequent fellow commentor Tommy O and I were just discussing the other day that we hadn't heard from him in a while, and were hoping he had not ended up in an Eastern European prison...while simultaneously hoping he would bring back a Magyar woman looking for a green card marriage, instead of a Hungarian guide book...but alas), it appears as though my usefulness here has ended.

Anyway, thanks a lot, I had fun, and if the idea I'm kicking around to start up my own blog--which will give me an outlet to obsess over the impending minutia of Election '08, post the pale-impression-of-Digby thinkpieces I've been working on, and allow me to mock the free-to-be-eight-and-three 2006 Michigan Wolverines in peace--comes to fruition, CSB will be first on my blogroll.

It may happen, it may not. If not, I'm still taking applications for my team for the next World Series of Pop Culture. Look for me, my roommate, and a third person yet to be named (although we're considering Flop, since he and I have past televised trivia competition experience together) next year. We'll either be called "Donna Martin Graduates!" or "Little Lebowski Urban Achievers."

Until then, go Buckeyes.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

New York, Magyar style

This was printed in 2001.

Co-blogger Flop is back from his travels in Eastern Europe. His gift to me? A Hungarian travel guide to New York, which, in itself, is awesome. But the cover's unconscious homage to Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, made it even more worthwhile.

Apparently, this is what Hungarians think of when they think of New York. And I love every part of this.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

The joys of The 40-Year-Old Virgin

Until it began its recent rotation on HBO, I missed the boat on one of the great movie comedies.

What are the great comedies, and what makes them great? My list of favorites is very short: Animal House, Caddyshack, the Marx Brothers' Duck Soup, Groundhog Day, Risky Business, and now, The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

I watch these movies over and over. I think I've seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin four times in three weeks, and with Animal House also in heavy rotation on HBO, I've watched it three times in the last month. These viewings usually happen late at night on weekends, when I come home drunk and rambunctious to see that, joy of joys, one of these movies is airing. Staying awake until 4 a.m. seems like a good choice.

These movies have common qualities. They're all about people living outside of a conventional system who are forced to fight some combination of privilege and cynicism. The short narrative: an oppressed group or person is forced into conflict. A culture clash ensues. Our protagonists win either by unleashing spectacular anarchy (Animal House, Caddyshack, Risky Business, Duck Soup) or making peace with themselves (Groundhog Day, The 40-Year-Old Virgin).

No one can confuse them with The Battle of Algiers, but on some level, they're idea movies about class conflict and the path to enlightenment. They're as distant from Ace Ventura as they are from The Best Years of Our Lives.

Another common trait that rewards repeat viewing: Every minor character is flawlessly rendered. These movies are populated by complete people. Groundhog Day is Bill Murray's movie, but in one short scene you understand Ned Ryerson's entire life.

Animal House
and The 40-Year-Old Virgin best exemplify this. There are probably 20 characters in Animal House that, at different points, reward your complete attention. Marion Wormer only gets a couple of minutes of screentime, but you recognize her as a bored housewife in a loveless marriage with the authoritarian dean, an ageing hottie, a character who would be at home in a novel by Philip Roth or John Updike who only needs the slightest prompting to fuck the system by fucking a recognizably sleazy fratboy.

Why do these minor characters add so much here, while, in a movie like American Pie, they're a forgettable, throw-away presence? When they succeed, the writers, directors and actors love their people and take the care to flesh them out. They have tics and inner lives. In American Pie -- a movie I despise for its glibness, cruelty and cynicism -- there are no people, only vehicles that carry a mildly unamusing payoff or plot development.

Which brings me to The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I thought it would be American Pie, but instead it's Groundhog Day. The admittedly lame premise is just our excuse to spend time with wonderful and recognizeable people.

Nowhere is the attention to detail more on display in the heavily-advertised scene where Andy (truly, in a just world, Steve Carell would have been nominated for Best Actor) receives a chest-waxing.

In the TV ads, this scene looked like a one-off gross-out joke, like Ben Stiller zipping his balls in There's Something About Mary. And sure, it has that quality, but the scene is also sublime in its goofiness.

Playing the role of the beautiful loser, Andy is surrounded by his well-wishing friends as the no-nonsense Waxing Lady starts her handiwork. At first he smiles beatifically while his friends crack wise. We watch as his facial expressions transition from the naive optimist hoping for a new beginning to a hilariously pained victim. He unleashes a torrent of profanity, then is immediately embarrased at his impropriety. His pain and terror purge in hilariously nonsensical obscenities -- "Gaaaaw, suckamuck, you shitter, oh I hate you!" "Fuuuuuck me in the assho-ho-ho-hole -- wowie, I'm sorry, I really don't swear this much." "Dooooh, nipplefuck, you should burn in hell." -- that alternate with apologies, optimism and bewilderment.

Why does it rise to something better than a gross-out joke? By the time of the scene, we have a feel for Andy and his friends. The incident isn't a set-up. Carell's mood swings feel pitch-perfect, and his sympathetic but entertained friends are along for the ride.

Like my favorite comedies, every small character is a real person with likeable qualities and inner lives. Amy, the ex-girlfriend of Paul Rudd's character, is on screen for a few seconds, but she speaks credibly for every woman fed up with a guy who can't take a hint. Paula, Andy's masculine, blunt, Michael McDonald-loving boss, is at turns frightening and wholly endearing.

In the hilarious speed-dating sequence, every small character is a real person with complicated motives and histories, not just an easy-joke punchline.

It gets the small details right. Bored guys kill time by smashing burned-out fluorescent lights behind their workplace. They denigrate each others' sexual prowess while playing videogames. Catherine Keener's character has completely authentic arguments with her daughter about teenage sex.

And this is the key point: The slapstick sequences work even better because the characters' quirks and motivations are so believable. Would we give a shit about Andy's sex life, or the Faber College homecoming parade, if the filmmakers hadn't taken so much care in bringing their people to life?

Contrast this with Swingers, a good movie, but one where Jon Favreau's loserness seems too overdrawn to be relatable, and Vince Vaughn's swagger is just a good actor having fun. I like Swingers, and I like Anchorman, but they're two comedies that jump at easy targets without caring about motivation.

Good comedies make the leap to greatness not just because their characters do funnier things, but because we understand why they're doing funnier things.

I should have expected this from Judd Apatow, whose short-lived Fox series Undeclared was one of the best comedies ever broadcast. I think that the combination of The Forty-Year-Old Virgin's marketing and its title led me to expect a series of half-baked jokes and a plot that would wear thin after 20 minutes.

But by the time that Apatow regular Loudon Wainwright makes his cameo appearance at the movie's conclusion, this cheerful, observant, and very funny movie has run the table and shot the moon. It could run longer than Lord of the Rings without getting old.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

30 is the new 21

In 2006-07, Flop, many of our featured friends and I will turn 30. A few months ago it was BPDHMQ2K6's turn, and this week I made a rare Wednesday appearance at Professor Thom's for the 30th of blog posterboy and drinking partner Brian (pictured below). Luminaries in attendance included Original Jeff, Backup Jeff, Tertiary Jeff, Brooklyn Danielle, High School Dave, and Kickball Girl. Vanessa was one of several attendees who lack a nickname.

I was honored that several strangers remembered me from a party appearance last fall. I arrived at that event in quite a condition. Flop and I were going through a stage where we liked to whoop, then shout, "Roll Tide!" I did it quite a lot that night, and many people I don't remember now think of me as the Roll Tide guy. Sad that I don't even like SEC teams.

Brian's longtime girlfriend HMQ2K5 made a cake, and since it was a weeknight I was on good behavior. Brian stayed classy given the occasion.

I have 67 days before I hit 30. It's a night that will probably end ugly.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

All News Is Good News...If You're a Republican

This morning I started a little experiment. I went out looking for reactions in the press to the whupping handed to former Christian Coalition head, Abramoff buddy, and third-place winner in a Rick Santorum lookalike contest Ralph Reed. Reed was running for lieutenant governor of Georgia, and, given his connection to Abramoff and others, Reed losing (and badly, 56-44) is a big deal. I expected at least to see stories talking about how this is an example of how Republicans are in trouble in the fall, much as we saw stories a month ago that Francine Busby’s loss in the special election for Duke Cunningham’s seat illustrates that the issue of massive Republican corruption is not helping the Democrats.

I mean, there should be such stories, right? Reed was a shoo-in who lost entirely due to his massive corruption. It doesn’t take much to connect the dots, does it?

I checked the Washington Post and Wall Street Journal stories. Both of them were pretty straight news stories, which is fine. The election was yesterday, and it usually takes a couple of days to produce election analysis.

Then I got to the New York Times. You know, the “liberally biased” (as we’re endlessly told) New York Times? What did the Times have to say?

"Mr. Reed's candidacy was viewed as a test of the effects of the Washington lobbying scandal on core Republican voters."
All right, here it comes. And how did that test come out?

Well, they don’t mention that. They don’t have any insight into whether turnout was down, and, if so, why (disgust with corruption?). They don’t have any insight into whether that test was passed or failed at all. Nothing. Just that passive declaration that it was viewed as a test (by whom?).

But, surely they made some sort of extrapolation...


But some Democrats actually rooted for Mr. Reed, believing that he would be prove to be a liability for the incumbent Republic governor, Sonny Perdue, and that he would have been easier to defeat.

"It may mean that Democrats lose the lieutenant governor's race," said William Boone, a political science professor at Clark-Atlanta University. "It certainly takes away the issue of corruption that the Democrats nationally have been using."
WHAT? So now, this is bad for the Democrats? A Democrat loses, and it's bad for the Democrats. A Republican loses...and it's still bad for the Democrats???

Is it even possible for ANY outcome to happen in anything that won't be viewed by the press as bad for Democrats?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

News about The Hold Steady

My favorite working band, The Hold Steady, will release its new album "Boys and Girls in America" on October 3. The title refers to the opening lines of the first track, "Stuck Between Stations" -- "There are nights when I think Sal Paradise was right./Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together." Having heard the song performed live twice, and, according to iTunes, having played an acoustic mp3 of it (available here) 45 times, it would be an understatement to say that I'm excited that I'll have the full neck-grabbing version of the song a few days after I turn 30.

The next ten years will be good to me.

The second track, "Chips Ahoy," is some of the most raucous hard-rocking since AC/DC hit its prime.

From what I saw and heard at their last two shows in New York, the new album won't be as thematically intense as "Separation Sunday," veering instead toward the direction of rowdy fun.

Here is the new track list:

01 Stuck Between Stations
02 Chips Ahoy!
03 Hot Soft Light
04 Same Kooks
05 First Night
06 Party Pit
07 You Can Make Him Like You
08 Massive Night
09 Citrus
10 Chillout Tent
11 Southtown Girls