Greetings. I'm in Flop's palatial Park Avenue apartment watching the Superbowl with the host and assorted guests. Sadly, the crowd has been much more interested in the Puppy Bowl than in anything football-related.
This is due to a.) an excess of turnovers and b.) no one liking Peyton Manning. Or Rex Grossman. Or either team, really.
8:11 p.m.: Flop: "Actually, almost every Rachel I've known has been excessively attractive." Pause. "Also, none of them have been Jewish. And puppies like to gambol."
8:15 p.m.: "What if they had a camera of Prince drinking out of a bowl? ... Looks like he's got a curved dong."
8:17 p.m.: Flop talks about specific people who passed gas in college.
8:18 p.m.: With Prince's performance over, consensus calls for flipping back to the Puppy Bowl.
8:19 p.m.: The room comes alive every time we switch to the Puppy Bowl. The room starts yelling and laughing. "Animals are funny when they pee and poo," Flop said. "I think Jim Sorgi was doing that on the sidelines." There are at least four sports professionals in the room, and they're all much more interested in Animal Planet than Rex Grossman.
8:23 p.m.: "I'm amazed we haven't seen a dog go to the bathroom yet," someone says.
8:25 p.m.: Discussion of "taking a dump on the field" in Puppy Bowl versus taking a dump in the Super Bowl. "It's basically what Rex Grossman does in eight out of ten games," says a sportswriter.
8:27 p.m.: Half-time is over. Game's on, bitches! Picture-in-picture goes to Puppy Bowl.
8:30 p.m.: No one is interested in this game, so we discuss past Michigan games against Notre Dame and Indiana, and audio-visual arrangements in apartment screenings.