A small ray of hope

Think Sam Alito sucks? Me too.

Know who doesn't suck? His kids.

Here's what his nineteen-year-old son Phil Alito wrote in his profile for a Colgate University humor magazine:

First, God made the heavens and earth. Then came Arby's, followed shortly by Carl Jr. and other inferior brands of fast food. Fast foward. Homer's epics, Texas was created, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier, died at the Alamo, King Kong attacked Manhattan, and then, in a completely reactionary move, I was concieved. I was born 9 months and 2 weeks later by a midwife/wolf named Janie Jean, who would prove very influential during my formative years. Shortly after, I became interested in politics and got involved with Gary Condit (not like that). I served as a parking aide to Nancy Pelosi (I won't even start on her) but was fired when Barbara Boxer came onto me. Eventually, I decided that my teeth needed to be cleaned, so I came to Colgate with a band of gypsies (who I have declared war on and will one day destroy). I decided to join "The Forum" to make friends but obviously that hasn't worked out. So, soon I will probably find a cow at a nearby farm and ride my way to glory in either LA or at the Calgary Rodeos.

Okay, not that funny, even by Cole Slaw Blog standards, but not that bad. He was a college freshman. Plus, he dangled a homoerotic implication as to Gary Condit, and dissed Barbara Boxer. Sure, it would be cooler if he banged both Gary Condit and Barbara Boxer, but you can't have everything.

Daughter Lauren is the more serious one. She's a friendship guru:

Friendship is defined as the relationship between two people based on affection and respect. But how many people actually truly value their friendships? It seems to be a growing theme that most people take their friends for granted and think they will always be there for them. Friendship is one of the most important things that people can learn. They learn how to be kind to others, respect people for who they are, and most importantly to just have someone whom they can trust and establish a bond. Far too many people get caught up in being popular and will do anything to maintain their status. They will ruin old friendships because the person was not cool enough. The value of friendship is incredibly important in helping people grow and learn about themselves and others. I believe that without friendship, and the respect that is shared between the friends, the world would be much more hostile and people would only be trying to get ahead in life by putting others down. I think everyone should learn to value his friendships a little more because one never knows what tomorrow might bring and maybe all you'll need is just a friend to lean on.

She's an idealist, and she likes her friends. I like my friends, too. Hence, I like Lauren Alito, and her friends. I'm sure they're good people.

There's a small point. I'm grasping at straws here, but it's generally assumed that one of the reasons that Anthony Kennedy and Harry Blackmun move to the left is the influence of their adult children. Because Republicans aren't funny and don't have any friends, I infer that the younger Alitos may be more sympathetic to progressive ideals. Maybe that will rub off on their old man.

But I'm not getting my hopes up.

Note: Underneath Their Robes owns all things Alito the way The Washington Post owned Watergate. It's where I go to learn about the Alito kids, Alito coffee, and Alito jurisprudential depravity -- even though UTR's blogger likes him.