Monday, June 04, 2007

Crusty, bitter jackass is a dazzler

Paul Weyrich, a godfather of American conservatism, recently observed:
Is Fred Thompson the second coming of Ronald Reagan? Not exactly. Is he, like Reagan, the right man for this desperate hour? That depends on God’s Providence. If we pray hard, God will answer that last question. Right now without announcing formally, Thompson is doing well in the polls. Will his standing go up or down when he becomes a real candidate? I can only guess. I think his standing goes up. In that case we could have a very lively race in November, 2008.
I'm not disappointed in this assessment. Rather, I'm disappointed that the once-great Republican Party is casting its net too narrowly. If Thompson -- a B-level actor with a surly personality and an undistinguished public record -- offers such promise, surely there must be others who can help in the return to glory.

Lisa Ruddy.
Is Lisa Ruddy the second coming of Jean Kirkpatrick? Yes. Is she, like Kirkpatrick, a disciplined hardliner who understands the demands of the post-Cold War world? That depends on her ability to evade slime. Unlike Christine "Moose" McGlade, the sure-footed Ms. Ruddy knows too much to say "I don't know." Right now, without formally securing an ambassadorship to the United Nations, Ms. Ruddy has already found a place on Pyongyang's enemies list. Will her standing go up or down? I can only guess. I think her standing goes up. In this case, we very likely have a war with Iran ahead of us.

Christopher Hewitt.
Is Christopher Hewitt the second coming of Tom DeLay? All signs point to yes. The surefooted butler-turned-actor-turned-conservative activist brought remarkable discipline to the Owens household. Can he bring similar party discipline to the rancorous House caucus? That depends on whether he can bridge the growing divide between the party's evangelical Christian wing and its more libertarian moderates. Can he resurrect the body of Teri Schiavo? Only the Virgin Mary knows. If we pray hard, She will answer that question. I can only guess, but I think the answer is probably. In that case, we will very likely have a Republican majority restored in 2008.
Matt LeBlanc.
Is Matt LeBlanc the Second Coming of Christ Our Lord? Quite likely so. Is he, like Christ, opposed to stem cell research and abortion, and in favor of the Iraq War? I'm sure that he is. Right now, without announcing his candidacy for the Christship, LeBlanc is doing very well. Will his standing go up or down when he turns water into wine and feeds multitudes with five loaves of bread and two small fish? I can only guess, but I say his standing goes up. In that case, I am prepared to anoint Matt LeBlanc the son of God.


Flop said...

The Russians, son, don't take a dump without a plan.

Crunk Raconteur said...

I've taken to really letting my smug flag fly and pretty obviously laughing in the faces of Republican acquaintances when I ask who they like for the Republican nomination, and they say, "Well, I'm hoping that Fred Thompson runs," because that's just shorthand for, "Sweet Jeebus, these guys we have all really suck, so I'm just going to grasp at straws that another guy who looks good on TV dressed up in a naval uniform costume will run!"

It also makes me feel a lot better about the Democratic field, which is positively an embarassment of riches at this point. No talking ourselves into candidates this time, as Crimenotes did last time with Howard Dean and I did with John Kerry.

CrimeNotes said...

He's a pure joke. McCain, Giuliani and even Mike Huckabee are all better suited to be their nominee. It would kind of be like the Democrats hoping that Bob Graham or Jim Sasser would come out of retirement to run and save the party -- but even less so, because at least those two have qualifications.

Crunk Raconteur said...

I suggested to Flop a comparison post between the Fred Thompson movement and the "Vote None of the Above" campaign in the Richard Pryor classic, Brewster's Millions.

Republicans, however, would compare (and have compared in conversations with me) the yearning for Fred Thompson with many Democrats' (myself included) desire to have Al Gore run. I laugh in their face at that, as well.

Flop said...

Don't forget: He's Reaganesque.

Shorty said...

I think you are right on about Matt LeBlanc...