A sophisticated gentleman blogger named Jebus H. Christ gets the second honor with an account that begins innocently enough:
What a great girl! Eyes like a fawn, smile like a demon, face of an angel. Minute I saw her, I knew I needed more. So I went after her, which is something I don't do. Full-court press style. I made it a point to always be excellent in her presence, I didn't talk to skanks in front of her, I even called her, on the phone. I mean, I was really going all out for this girl. Well, of course, when faced with the prospect of getting this, she immediately (OK, it was like 2 months) asked me out.This is not some boy-meets-girl story about kittens or roses or an innocent misunderstanding that leads to a falling out. A sip of liquor, and it explodes into glorious, destructive bedlam.
Telling any more would ruin the fun. Read it.
Update: It gets even better. The "I'm on Fire" series, Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3.