Capsule movie reviews*

• Citizen Kane: Oh, what a surprise: Sometimes childhood is when we're happiest. Wow, thanks for making me sit through two hours of crap for that. A fucking sled? A SLED? Are you kidding me?
• The Real Cancun: ditto, minus the sled.
  
• Idiocracy: People are stupid and corporations might control more than is wise for the best interests of society. Tell me something I didn't know in high school.
  
• Bend it Like Beckham: Sometimes parents get in the way of their kids' happiness.
  
• Romeo and Juliet: ditto.
• Casablanca: Sometimes, you've got to suck it up and take one for the team. Or at least the French Resistance.

*Original content authored by Flop in a private e-mail on file with the author. Flop was not expressing his own views, but rather, mocking mine. In a prior e-mail, I stated, "I hated Eternal Sunshine. Oh, revelation: sometimes the things that can be painful are the best parts of being alive." Citizen Kane, The Real Cancun and Idiocracy are all personal favorites of mine. I do not like Eternal Sunshine.