Thursday, March 29, 2007

Tournament of Everything Round 3: International Waters Region

At Tyson-Secretariat Arena

1 Sumerians vs. 4 Industrial Revolution

Although my co-blogger has a strange, Doc Brown-like distaste for roads, citing them as part of the Industrial Revolution's aflictions in his previous writeup. I have to agree with him on most of those. But I think with some common-sense regulation (yes, I know corporations always implicitly have society's best interests at heart and regulation is a sin, but just bear with me here, Objectivists), a lot of these are manageable. The Industrial Revolution also led to increasingly efficient and expedient travel, an increase in leisure time, and ... our modern global economy, as well as the current state of our globe. It's a mixed bag, isn't it? Meanwhile, the Sumerians invented beer. Did I mention that? They also invented writing. Since this blog came about as the result of a couple nights at the bar, (and is made up mostly of writing,) I think it's safe to draw a straight line from ancient Sumeria directly to Cole Slaw Blog. But then again, blogs might never have existed without the Industrial Revolution, either, due to the concomitant rise in leisure time. Even if the world were populated entirely with yeoman farmers, I'm sure CrimeNotes and I could reasonably entertain our peers with the scrolls we tacked up in the village square or meeting house. But this match will not be decided on our own blog aggrandizement. It could be, but it doesn't need to be.

The Sumerians gave us the rule of law. The Industrial Revolution gave us Social Darwinism. Which would you rather live under? This one's a blowout. The Sumerians 99, Industrial Revolution 72.

14 Jacques Cousteau vs. 10 The Office (UK)

Both Jacques Cousteau and The Office have made it to the Sweet 16 of the Tournament of Everything because they have legacies. Each was great during their active stages, but had they faded away, they probably wouldn't have made it this far. Aside from his role in the development of SCUBA gear, Cousteau spread his love for ocean life and his concern for the environment around the world via the Cousteau Society. Without his efforts there might be even more trash, pollutants and radioactive waste littering the seas.

Then there's The Office. It managed to be hilarious and heartbreaking all at once in a way that might not ever be equaled, but that doesn't mean people aren't trying. The U.S. version of The Office is reasonably enough well done in its own way, even if it is a paler version. David Brent is probably as well known as Basil Fawlty and Benny Hill in Britain, even if he hasn't translated as well here. Of course, Hollywood still shits out a couple "According to Jim" and "How I Met Your Mother" clones every season. But that's OK. If all TV tried to be like The Office, it would still probably be intolerably Hollywoodified. The U.S. version is always right up against that line as it is, which is probably why I don't mind that my DVR keeps mysteriously not recording it.

On the other hand, is there any better analogy for a lot of the dreck on TV than, say, a giant, slow-moving gyre filled with rubbish from all points? We can turn off the TV, but there's no real substitute for, you know, oceans.

In conclusion, I'm sorry this is such a boring game,and I'm sorry to see The Office go. But this is what happens when two lovable double-digit seeds make it this far. Jacques Cousteau 54, The Office 49.


CrimeNotes said...

The only conceivable reason that The Office (UK) got booted is that you seek retribution against me, personally, for not liking bacon.

Against Jacques Cousteau??? Whaaaaaaa?

Beware of an imminent bludgeoning.

Flop said...

Please. If it were only about personal preferences, I'd have The Office in the Final Four, if not winning the whole damn thing. I'd also have Alton Brown kicking ass in his bracket. Alas, Procrastination is a powerful, dark force. And the oceans are more important than TV.

In sum: This hurt me more than it hurt you.

Flop said...

I'm starting to worry about CrimeNotes. I think he's going all Howard Hughes on us. First he spazzes out about bacon worse than a PETA member, then denounces food in general. Now he's taking every post as a personal affront, execpt for the one that actually was a shot at him (albeit a cuddly one).

I wonder if he's holed up in his apartment, obsessively scrubbing every surface for germs and hollering at those damn pigeons outside his window.

crimenotes said...

I stopped shaking my fist at the sky long enough to type this.

evil girl said...

i'm pretty sure no surface in crimenotes home has seen scrubbing of any kind, much less the obsessive genre, ever. but that's a given when you need on fist to shake at the sky and the other to type.