Thursday Stylin': Stephanie Rosenbloom is pretty

In this week's desperately pathetic attempt to fill space and gain advertising revenue, The New York Times enlightens us about Stephanie Rosenbloom's blog, a phony war about moisturizer, a whole bunch of hoohah about cashmere and Alex Kuczynski thinks of the children.

Loosing Google's Lock on the Past. Stylin' section writer Stephanie Rosenbloom has long been a minor target of our critiques. While her copy has been completely inoffensive, it has also been mostly inconsequential, even by Stylin' Section standards (one of the first articles we read by her summarized the need for shoes that fit). But today, she gets the section front to do a blowout on the uncomfortable facts people can find out about you when they google your ass.

She alludes to an unflattering picture of herself from her college days, before she "became a blonde and graduated to stilettos." She cringes at the thought of herself looking all business as she directs a stage production. (Note to Stephanie: It's not nearly as bad you're making it out to be. I wouldn't break a blind date based on it, but I don't wear $200 Etros or $300 jeans, and would thus be a decidedly unideal suitor for you. I do, however, have excellent taste in aperitifs ... I prefer sweet vermouth with a lemon peel.)

But the coolest part of this article is the news that Stephanie Rosenbloom is now a blogger! We can only assume she'll devote the proto-blog to trashing Cole Slaw Blog on a twice-weekly basis. Thanks, Stephanie Rosenbloom! We're totally linking to your blog.

Cashmere Is So Hot, It's Cool for Summer. It's becoming more and more possible that there exists a subconscious yearning among Stylin' staffers for that classic, yet since-discontinued McDonald's sandwich, the McDLT. How else to explain the section's fascination with the eternal give and take between the hot and the cool that manifests istelf in Stylin' articles about this season's most desirable fashions? Such perfection, such balance, between the hot, beefy McD and the cool, crisp LT. Why, it's almost like the delicious contradiction contained within ... the summer cashmere sweater!

The Stylin' Section had an embedded correspondent in the Hamptons for the first weekend of what will most likely be known among Stylin' Nation as the Summer of Cashmere. Let's see what reporter Eric Wilson learned among the peasant-skirt-wearing fashionistas of East Hampton, N.Y. ...

"As warm as it is outside, cashmere doesn't get that hot," Ms. Kee said. "And anytime you go inside, they always have air-conditioning, so it's freezing and you need a sweater." The summer of 2005 seems destined to be the season of luxurious colorful sweaters designed for keeping cool. "It's the in thing this season," Ms. Kee said.

A fellow Hamptons-goer agreed.

"Cashmere sweaters are a great way to inject color into an otherwise staid summer wardrobe," said Andrew Saffir, a New Yorker who works in film promotion. "It's nice not to have to wear the same old navy blazer and white pants wardrobe when you're in the Hamptons."

And our correspondent even placed some phone calls from the Hamptons to an even more exclusive vacationing locale:

The designer Michael Kors, vacationing last week in Capri, said by telephone that the island's visiting elite, often coming ashore from their yachts, have concocted elaborate new ways to tie cashmere sweaters, including bandolier-style over one shoulder, or rolled up and tied around the waist as a belt pack.

Cole Slaw Blog hasn't a clue, as we spent the weekend drinking cheap beer in the city, wearing uncelebrated fibers. Or visiting beloved kinfolk in exotic locales.

Part Cotton, Part Virtue, Part Come-On. Alex Kuczynski approves of the clothes at American Apparel, but not the sell. The company eschews sweatshop labor in favor of a responsible approach including a living wage and healthcare for each worker. But, unlike basically every other company in the history of apparel, they use sex to help sell their wares.

Kuczynski's criticism is that one of the company's New York stores is filled with photos which remind her of porn. The company's founder, a "flamboyant Canadian" called Dov Charney, has taken many of these photos. Her issue:

The porn approach is meant to be retro and tongue in cheek, daring us to be so unhip as to condemn it. Mr. Charney styles himself as a retail mack daddy, boasting in an interview with Jane magazine last year of his sexual relationships with female employees. (These were members of the administrative staff, not the garment workers. That would be exploitation.)

And this is what is deeply wrong about the American Apparel message. On the one hand, you have its high-minded mission: Protect the workers. Preserve the environment. Don't exploit cheap labor. On the other, you have the constant issue of sexual exploitation.

I'm willing to stipulate that porn is both potentially exploitative and improper for children. But Kuczynski transfers the exploition implicit in the suggestive photos from the subjects of those photos to the company itself, which seems a wee bit unfair to us. Not that we give a shit about the silly company in the first place.

Kuczynski aslo said she's never really given much thought to sweatshop labor when shopping. This much is clear. If she had, perhaps she wouldn't be implying that this prective, which can involve child labor, is not as troubling as inappropriate photos. Basically, she has sided with the children who might wear clothes over those who might make them.

Hand Wars. First there were Star Wars, then the Wars of the Roses, and many other obscure wars. Now, thanks to the Stylin' Section, we have Hand Wars, a "new battleground in the great cosmetic war against aging." Except, there's no discernible conflict here in these Hand Wars. Just a bunch of crap about how hands need to be moisturized just like your face. Well super. Also, there's a salon which offers a treatment called the grape Gatsby. No word on Alexander the Grape.

A Little Gray Hair, a Lot of Game. This article doesn't belong. For one thing, there's no product being pushed. For another, it's actually news. Light n' fluffy news, to be sure. But not just a rehash of over-obvious crap. It's about people in their 50s and 60s who discover competitive sports for the first time, and it's a nice change of pace from hand wars and cashmere.

Feisty, 40-ish and Female? Franchise! Some women called themselves the Miami Bombshells wrote a book, which may or may not have been good. But they liked it, and now they're marketing the heck out of it. And it's working.

We're totally going to market the heck out of Cole Slaw Blog's book about the history of slaw (little known fact: Villages relied on their local idiots to produce and distribute what back then was called "slawe.")

Just like the Bombshells, we're also totally going to plan retreat weekends at our cabbage farm in Bad Axe, Mich. There, devotees can operate our player piano, make a fresh slaw from our jicama patch, or just get drunk and then do the dishes. [Slight correction: I believe the original (fictional) scenario involved dropping acid and doing the dishes. -CrimeNotes]

In other Stylin' news, you can buy a different kind of expensive perfume, stuff to wear when you work out,. and how to buy books online.

Note: I apologize for posting this roundup late. I was trying to do it earlier, but I was watching my TiVo-ed episodes of "Deadliest Catch" and trying to imagine what it would be like if Alaskan crab boats were crewed by the kids from the Inferno II.