Sept. 11 was not a good thing

I remember watching the Republican National Convention here in New York and wanting to vomit with rage on a daily basis. The events of Sept. 11 were invoked daily. And after watching for a while, it occurred to me that there was this idea out there that Sept. 11 was actually a good thing, because it united the country in patriotism. Of course, said unity has since been pissed away by our president, most likely on purpose. But nevertheless, people still like to cite the positive effects of Sept. 11.

I don't get it. But I also think I really don't need to explain why this is an appalling notion to me. I was incredibly lucky that day. Everyone I cared for, including friends who worked downtown and who lived near the Pentagon, was accounted for by mid-afternoon. I still consider it one of the worst days of my life.

Apparently, I'm in the minority.

I suppose after four years, all the Jeanketeers out there who are ready to move on and use it to celebrate. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to be the wet blanket here and say that this day sucked, and I don't feel like celebrating.

And then of course, there's the irony of celebrating freedom to mark a day that has directly contributed to a rather appalling erosion of liberty in our country. I remember talking to my mom again later that night. (She had called me immediately after the second tower was hit, as well.) She said she was glad not to be so young, that a whole lot of terrible things are going to happen. I asked her what she meant. And I haven't been able to get that conversation out of my head since. The Patriot Act. Hate crimes. Guantanamo. The invation of Iraq. Calls for concentration camps.

And of course, there's the thousands dead and thousands more they left behind. So yes, by all means, celebrate.

Me, I still remember that dusty smell of burnt plastic and scorched metal that hung over the city for months afterward. I'll be thinking about it next month, but I won't be celebrating.