Sunday Stylin': There but for the grace of God, goes Alex

In the lastest iteration of the Critical Shopper, we find Alex Kuczynski tasked with a visit to Jacob and Company, the jeweler we are meant to know is a "purveyor of chunky rap-style diamond jewelry."

While visiting Jacob the jeweler, as the establishment is apparently known, A-Kucz manages to hit all the usual notes. She ropes in innocent bystanders, but doesn't quote them by name (a basic journalism no-no, but this whole section is basically one giant middle finger to journalism). She name-drops rappers, making sure to inlcude someone outside the penumbra of parental knowledge, possibly because such a move provides her with a bizarre, Stylin' section street cred. And, of course, she never, ever lets us forget that she is a woman of taste and refinement.

Trying on some of the store's wares, she gets some of her Hamptons-gilded arm hairs yanked out by a particularly chunky piece. But it's a small sacrifice for the perfect anecdote.

The men's watches - the simple ones, with no diamonds - are rather ugly, with white faces and intersecting geometric figures. At $5,900, they look to me like something you might pick up in a duty-free store in Southeast Asia for $80. The most expensive item on display is a watch: the Royal, which is covered in D-flawless diamonds and costs a publicity-ready $1 million. I tried it on. It was heavy. The hairs on my arm got caught in the band. I just didn't get it.

But the Edith Wharton of advertorial content has employed a journalistical device! Those of you with the morbid curiosity to actually read the story will be note that our correspondent's tale begins with the mention of two preppy girls from Connecticut. Well, she mentioned them for a reason, and not just to make herself feel better about being in such a place when Harry Winston and Tiffany (never Tiffany's) are just around the corner.

She spends the last six paragraphs or so on them, and I do recommend you read for yourself what transpires at the end of this lurid tale of mass-appeal, high-end retail.

As for the rest of the Stylin' section, I'll keep things mercifully brief. But I'd be remiss if I didn't clue you in to some off the rest of this week's twaddle. Namely, the Ball Park Franks of the Stylin' world, and one of the most awkward headlines I've ever seen. I wonder if this poor copy editor had to try out words like "Irish" and "Dander" before deciding on "Hackles." Apparently, it's not enough to kick around journalism, but now the Styles Section must abuse the language, too?