My hands work just fine

That's OK, I don't need a bag. Really. I'm not kidding.

Seriously, I don't want a bag. Stop looking at me like that. I said "I don't need a bag" not "Bend over so I can see your sweet Asian tush" so there's no need to make this awkward. Well, from the look you gave me, I might as well have. But all I wanted to convey is that I will not be requiring the services of a bag today. Yes, I do know that they are free. I just don't care for one. I would like to carry these items I have just purchased home with my bare hands. Or, should I tire of that, I will place them in my backpack. What do you care, anyway?

I do realize a bag offers many conveniences, such as easy-to-grip handles and the ability to carry many things in one hand, while leaving the other one free to do whatever it likes, such as unlocking my front door, twirling the thumbwheel of my iPod or carrying another bag. That's OK. I'll take my chances with gravity. Seriously, I just don't see the need for a bag right now.

Well, since you asked, yes, I do think it helps. OK, no matter how many times you use one to carry your lunch to work, eventually, these bags wind up in the trash. Well, we produce a lot of trash -- doesn't it make sense to take, you know, a really easy step to cut down on that. OK, so your convenience is more important to you. That's fine. I'm not preaching here. I'm just trying to get myself some breakfast.

I am totally not being judgmental. I just prefer to not use a bag when I don't have to. It's that simple. Eventually, oil won't be cheap enough for this shit. I think they'll have higher priorities for the coal-to-liquids stuff. Look, you started this, not me. I just want to take my egg and cheese on a roll, my Coke zero and my muffin back to my apartment. Without a bag. Please don't be offended.

No, I don't need a straw either. Christ ...