Monday, September 17, 2007

Turnabout is fair play

The Cy-Hawk: A bizarre, Frankensteinian raptor hybrid found almost exclusively in north-central Iowa.

Seeing as dmbmeg did so much to cheer us up when we tried to asphyxiate ourselves (no link; those photos are more disturbing every time I look at them) after Michigan's 0-2 start, I thought I would return the favor by helping the healing begin with her and her Hawkeyes in light of their disastrous 15-13 loss to Iowa State, a team that previously mustered no signs of life against Kent State and Northern Iowa.

Losing to Iowa State is the football equivalent of spilling your coffee in your lap when someone asks you to check what time it is. It takes ... some real doing. And yet the Hawkeyes just scalded their own junk again, for the ninth time in 12 years. The mind reels.

So I figured I could cheer up Megan by taking Iowa in NCAA '08 and trouncing some ketchup-and-mustard-dressed Cyclone ass. A couple lessons were learned in Iowa's closer-than-it-should-have-been 21-14 win:

My fucked up TV makes it really hard to read the coverage on the split end. I threw a short out against what turned out to be zone coverage for a painful Pick 6. AGH, IT BURNS!!!

Man, Dominique Douglas sure is good. Too bad his yen for fine haberdashery outweighed his desire for playing time. I made a lot of hay with his virtual doppelgänger on post routes. (To be fair, I'd make hay on post routes to a lineman if he was lined up at the X spot).

Oh, the road to the Rose Bowl is filled with temptation.

Clearly, Iowa State casts a spell of stupidity on Iowa players whenever they share the same field. I picked off one of the game's first passes, only to fumble it back, and I later had a silly fumble on next to no contact on a key rushing play, but thankfully that one rolled right to a lineman. Huzzah for the fat guys. Otherwise, this post might have gone very differently indeed.

In summary, Yes, I know I certainly am one to talk, I'm sincerely sorry you lost to Iowa State and have now contracted Transitive Property Herpes, but hey: At least you guys can't possibly lose again to Michigan this year.

And I went out and won you the Cy Hawk trophy. You can come over and gaze at it's jury-rigged glory any time.


dmbmeg said...

You...are a fuck twat.

dmbmeg said...

Yes, I did resort to name calling. The truth is, we suck, but it is comforting to know you guys suck too. I don't hear Mike Hart calling a victory this weekend now do I?

dmbmeg said...

Also, for the record, you and CrimeNotes were the ones who were like, "Take a picture of me putting a bag over my head and put it on your blog! It's sexy bag posing! Weeeeeee!"

I am unsettled.

dmbmeg said...

Flop, I hope someone puts you in a trebuchet and launches you in the East River. Not the Hudson. The East River is dirtier.

dmbmeg said...

I hope James Dalton launches a Mercedes into your apartment, then rips your fucking throat out.

dmbmeg said...

I feel better.

flop said...

Wow, this is a lot of vitriol for having lost a trophy Hayden Fry originally got at the Iowa State Fair when he knocked over a couple milk bottles.

If it soothes your ire any, Pigtails, I would never take Floyd this lightly.

JHC said...

That's fucking hilarious.

Mr. Shain said...

maybe it's meg with the real problems...

crimenotes said...

Agree with Shain. I don't understand what was so bothersome about this post. It didn't hate on Iowa. When Michigan is in pain, I can think and talk about nothing but. There wasn't even a whiff of "haha" in here.

dmbmeg said...

I fucking killed him against Idaho tonight though.

Oh CrimeNotes, apparently I'm better than you. Suck on that.

blythe said...

i wish i knew what you guys were talking about, but OU keeps kicking serious ass, so... can't really relate. sorry dudes.

dmbmeg said...

I can't leave comments drunk anymore. In fact, I should not leave comments anymore altogether. People get confused.

Flop has this little NCAA Football game he likes to play. In an attempt to rub salt in my wounds, he decided to play as Iowa against ISU.

He was openly mocking me, people. I know Iowa sucks, but I was all supportive of both of you when Michigan lost (like holding your hair back when you puked). I have no problem admitting Iowa sucks. I'm just bitter and pissy.

Blythe again-
Flop tried to teach me how to play last night (I was Iowa, he was Idaho), and all I could do was hit buttons (and still managed to sack his QB like 8000 times). I asked if anyone was worse than me, and he simply replied "CrimeNotes."

I think you and CrimeNotes have been drinking the same KoolAid. Oh yeah!

CrimeNotes said...

The one time I played him, I was up two touchdowns when my PlayStation froze. I'm not going to claim that I'm better, but his assessment isn't based on much. I think he's just happy to rip on me with someone who doesn't know better.