Sunday, September 02, 2007

Victory is not a birthright, and other life lessons

1.) The wrong side of schaudenfreude is nastier than expected.
Unendurably painful. One thing to experience an unpleasant loss, another to see the thing you love most become a laughingstock. The families of Britney Spears, Andy Dick and George W. Bush deserve compassion.
2.) If you think you might assault a stranger, it's best to go home.
The good-natured, not-undeserved ribbing from strangers in Colorado shirts: That was not welcome. The rage and hatred, they took the back seat to risk-aversion, embarrassment and pussiness. A few minutes later, someone innocently brushed against my back. I wheeled around, planning to slug. That's when it was time to go home.

Assaulting friends, of course, is to be expected and completely acceptable.
3.) It's better to attend a school without a football program.
What would life have been like at the University of Chicago or Carleton College? Less fun, maybe, but I'd feel better about myself on more mornings. Steer children toward pissy private schools or the local community college. They should not know this kind of voluntary heartache.
4.) The rest of the world actually hates Michigan, and likes it to suffer.
See Lesson No. 1; see also Bret Musberger; ESPN. It isn't personal. That doesn't make it easier. The beast demands blood, and the Lohan of college football provides it.
5.) It's best to have diverse interests.
New possibilities include: watercolors; a kitten; knife-throwing; joining the 4-H; oxycontin; survivalism; target-shooting; going on reality TV; and crochet. Ideally something where an entire calendar year doesn't turn to dust in 3-1/2 hours.


Flop said...

I reject No. 3 out of hand and think 4. is a bit of a melodramatic reach.

Cock D said...

I agree with flop on number 3 - rejected out of hand. Remember, the pain lets you know you are still alive.

However, as to point 4 I am with crimenotes. I watched a bunch of PSU fans cheer the Michigan loss. Along with ND's loss later in the day, this guarantees that PSU will face either a ND or UM team with at least two losses. If they think this is good for their national title aspirations, they better think again. Yet they lustily cheered UM's downfall.

I would like to think that they won't be so happy about that this fall when they get denied from the BCS in favor of a one-loss SEC team because "Michigan lost to ASU - the Big 10 isnt a real conference." But I know better - they still cheer Kordell's hail mary in 94, despite the fact it possibly cost PSU a National Championship.

Everything old is new again.

BTW - thanks for keeping open: MgoBlog is still at: Please Stand By. Not a proud moment for Brian.

crimenotes said...

Flop: Yesterday more than anything before taught me that the rest of the country views us the way that I view Notre Dame.

cock d: In defense of mgoblog, I'm willing to defer to his decision to write as appropriate. He'll come up with something far better than this. I can't write about the actual game because I was drunk for too much of it, and my critical faculties are shot. We vent; Brian write for the ages.

Lesson No. 6: Watching a game in a bar with idiots who happened to go to your school may be worse than not seeing the game at all.

Lesson No. 7: The morning after is no easier.

winston said...

i am halfway through a book about crochet.

Cock D said...

CN - it's less about Brian not writing (that is obviously at his discretion) but more about the whole blog being shut down. While I appreciate that he may have done that to keep trolls from infecting the place, being denied the coping/healing that can begin by reading the comments of other fans hurt a little bit. That's more of where I was coming from. Anyway, the kittens are up now and the healing begins.

Crunk Raconteur said...

Here's my attempt at the bright side (my snark is still, by and large, lodged in Jarvis Moss's cleats): Think of the service you've done the nation. Specifically, think how many more people have now seen the HOT HOT HOT (did they show it during the game?) commercial now that this has happened.

(Note: Yes, for most of the people in the country who have seen it, the commercial is approximately 30% funnier now)

And not to light a powder keg with a question that has surely fueled many surly drunken arguments in the last 24 hours, but how is it that Michigan still hasn't figured out how to stop tiny, mobile quarterbacks? I mean, it's not like one of them wasn't, you know, your arch-nemesis for the past three years or anything...

And to follow up on a conversation I had with Flop about Mike Hart the other day...yeah, man, that run was pretty freaking amazing.

Yes, I'll have another said...

This whole anti-Michigan thing that you speak of CN has become very apparent to me as well in the past 24 hours. And I really don't comepletely understand it. Michigan is the winningest program in the history of football, yes, but it's not as if we consistently win championship after championship. Far from it.

On another note, I was walking though the grocery store about half an hour ago when I saw a woman in a Michigan shirt. We locked eyes and she I pointed to the shirt, and we just kind of gave one another this look. We both understood.

This still fucking sucks.

Thanks to you and Flop for the posts though.

Crunk Raconteur said...

Flop is clairvoyant!

Note: This is strange, as one would think the universe would want to limit Flop's power...

ClarkiefromCanada said...

Maybe this will weed out the chianti and aged cheddar season ticket holders who populate my section (I won't miss seeing them leave after the 3rd quarter again)...maybe this will cause a rethinking of automatic victory as our birthright...maybe "fans" will stop yelling at 18 year old kids and act like fcuking adults...(unlikely)...maybe the UM regents can look outside the family for the next coach (I like Spurrier, that's outside the box)...maybe crap like this forces a focus on outcomes (as opposed to the new box seats/luxury box plans etc.

After all, however, I'm staying.

"Those who stay will be champions"

I for one won't miss those who fall off the bandwagon...and I sure as hell won't welcome their fat asses back later.

Cody with a Y said...

Lesson No. 8: Two mornings after is still no easier.
I take issue with No. 3 though.

dmbmeg said...

You guys are in my thoughts and prayers, for reals. As much as I would like for Iowa to be Big 10 champs, never in my wildest dreams would I want our best team in the conference to lose like this.

Now I have to hear crap from my SEC friends (ssssh, don't tell anyone I have them, k?) about how the Big 10 is a over-hyped conference. Not. Good.

crimenotes said...

Agreed, Cody. Two restless nights, waking up both mornings, covering my eyes, and saying, "Fuck."

evil girl said...

fuck it. let the appalachians go home to their untelevised games in a shit-poor backwater state, and on to crappy futures with jobs in the state transportation department and unhappy marriages to their second cousins.

only one team still matters come saturday, and it's not theirs.

Cock D said...

evil girl -

letting all nasty generalizations about our southern friends slide, let's wake up to the fact that our team may not be one that matters come saturday or for a long while.

evil girl said...

cock d -

you're right on one thing, i should not have implied there are enough paved roads in north carolina to employ that many appalachia graduates.

Crunk Raconteur said...

Now, this is something I am uniquely appropriate to comment on.

Evil girl has the tone just right, and pretty soon you guys will be seasoned pros at the "We may not be good at football, but we're still smarter than you!" snark, just like us Vanderbilt alums.

The Wolverines...the Commodores of the North!

blythe said...

#3 is true. i'm much better off never having endured the pain of this kind of loss (except the soul crushing softball debacle of '01). j/k. i was born and raised in norman, ok and bleed crimson and cream every fall regardless of where i am. i know it hurts like a bitch. sorry for your loss. also, i knit. it's not as unfun as you'd think. promise.

Todd said...

4.) The rest of the world actually hates Michigan, and likes it to suffer.

Nah, the networks always jump on the losing team. It doesn't matter who it is. They would've said the same things if Ohio State or Iowa had lost.

I honestly feel for ya. No low-blows here. Gotta keep it classy.