Translation

LUCCA, ITALY -- If Florence proves anything, it's that two homoerotic statues of a nude adolescent David is one too many. Add to that the many paintings of baby Hercules wailing on some snakes sent by Hera, and it was time for a change.

I've been visiting mainly powerhouse cities up until now. Leaving Florence, I was faced with a choice of where to go next. I considered Bologna, Venice and Pisa, but based solely on the advice of my guidebook and a desire to get out of tourist havens, I ended up in this delightful small town about 90 minutes east of Florence.

It's surrounded on all sides by walls built during the Renaissance, which themselves are circled by parkland. Also, it has the most attractive gene pool in the world. Maybe I couldn't distinguish the locals from the fat German tourists, but in Rome and Florence, the Italians were not living up to their reputation for attractiveness. Here, even the middle aged people are hot.

Yesterday, the most attractive woman I've ever seen stopped me on her bike and asked for a cigarette. I complied, and she winked. Then, she said something. My Italian is good enough that I can communicate clearly, but when someone speaks to me, I have no idea what's going on. So, I nodded stupidly. Maybe she said, "I want to make love to you." More likely, it was something undramatic, like, "I like buttermilk," or "You dress like a retard."

Today I saw the glass-encased body of a 16th century saint. She proved that the human body has evolved to a larger size over time.

Otherwise, this city is the earthly paradise. I could rent a huge apartment for a year for less than what I pay in four months' rent in New York. Pity that retirement is just a marketing tool for Republicans and brokerage houses, otherwise I'd start making plans.

Now on to Milan, then another day in London. I'll be back in New York on Monday. In the first few days there, I have tickets to the New Pornographers, great seats for U2, and a college football season to attend to. Pretty ladies are nice, but it will be good to get home.