Thursday, August 02, 2007

Barry Bonds is good at baseball

One of the things I've learned about having watched most of Barry Bonds' at-bats since he reached homer No. 754, is that Barry Bonds has an unbelievable batting eye. I mean, I've known this for a long time, but it's another thing to get to see it in person.

Yes, I know he's a very difficult person and he is the only baseball player to have ever been a prick or to have cheated (evidence of which, I would point out, is only circumstantial), and he's retroactively ruining everyone's childhood, but goddamn. If he never hit 10 home runs in a year, he would wind up in Cooperstown.

Also, Bud Selig apparently "took the night off" from watching the games. Yes, I've been to Chavez Ravine ... it's truly brutal to have to sit amongst the palm trees and pretty people and knock back some suds and a Dodger Dog. First he prevaricated for weeks on whether he'd show up, he finally did and now he's going to chill at the hotel? (It's possible he's taking the night off from the media _ when the booth contains the toxic combination Joe Morgan and Chris Berman, that's certainly forgivable.)

Also, it's a fun treat to watch Barry Zito throw his non-Euclidean curveball. If I were a big league hitter and I saw that, I'd ask my agent about a real estate license.

Unless I was Barry Bonds. In which case I'd just sort through the pitches like I was looking for a check in the mail ...


Cock D said...

OK - whether or not you want it, here's my Barry Story.

Back in the summer of 92 the Pirates were actually good. They were in the middle of a protracted pennant race (I think with the Muts, er, Mets). Sometime in late July or early August, Barry went down with a ribcage injury. It was attributed to Barry injuring himself while sliding into second base.

At least that was the official story. I wasnt buying it though. The slide didnt look out of the ordinary and there was no real opportunity for the injury to take place in that at bat.

Luckily, I had a source I could turn to as to what happened. My doctor was one of the team doctors for the Pirates (weird, right?). When I went in for my annual physical before football season, he asked me at the end of the exam whether I had any additional questions.

"How did Barry really injure his ribs" was my query.

He chuckled and told me that he had injured his ribs before the game playing home run derby with Bobby Bonilla (a former Pirate and at the time a Met).


That's why I didn't like Barry - the demeanor, steroids and records are just gravy.

Crunk Raconteur said...

I've actually heard this one before (about Barry's home run derby injury) and it just goes to show, if you were going to do some legendary screwing around in proximity to a baseball game during the early 90s, Bobby Bonilla HAD to be involved (this, the infamous card game he and Rickey Henderson played in the dugoust, etc...)

How awesome would it be if Selig had tickets in the right field pavilion where, apparently, the Dodgers are running a promotion where your ticket comes with UNLIMITED food (ah, baseball and absurd's the most American thing there is next to amber waves of grain and/or purple mountains' majesty...)

22280 said...

Good thing the Pirates let Bonds go, then.

Flop said...

Bobby and Rickey were actually playing cards in the clubhouse. Although the home dugout at Shea (also the site of Bobby Valentine's mustachioed disguise caper) would have been pretty hilarious.

dmbmeg said...

******** !