Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Happy Slawgust, Assfaces!

Before Rocktober, there's Zeptember. And before Zeptember is Slawgust.

What's Slawgust? If you have to ask, you're in the wrong place, Junior, and it's probably time to hightail it back to facebook. Slawgust is a state of being, and a sweaty one at that. Slawgust is a time for getting around to all the shit we didn't get around to yet. You'll see a post about Great Americans, just in time for Labor Day. I'll write something about how stupid it is that we're going honor Grover Cleveland with not one but two coins (in a nonconsecutive way, natch).

And there's a small chance that we might finally finish off the Tournament of Everything. No promises, though.

One thing I will promise, however. A post a day or your money back. Seriously. Today's post is to honor August, which is usually the crappiest, hottest, do-nothingest month (although I managed to injure myself rather seriously in Augusts past). August used to be named Sextilis or something like that, but then it got renamed because Caesar Augustus did some shit in the month to a sufficient degree that it warranted renaming the whole thing.

Which is the point of Slawgust. We're taking this month and making it our own. But we're also cognizant of the 2,012 or so Augusts that preceded the existence of Cole Slaw Blog. As such, we render this small tribute:

On August 1 ...

... 984 Æthelwold of Winchester died and was later canonized. He fought corruption and was sympathetic to the poor. So it's safe to say he wouldn't be a Republican today. Happy Feast Day of St. Æthelwold, everybody! I'll see you at 10 a.m. mass down at St. Æthelwold's ... oh, let's say Basilica.

1291 Switzerland was invented. Yes, it's an entire (vaguely bear-shaped) nation built on über-precise timekeeping, an utter refusal to take a stand on anything and happily hiding your filthy, filthy lucre from the taxman. Also, they produce clean fonts, notable monster of the ski slopes Pirmin Zurbriggen and a populace that has never coughed, not once. No one's fucked with them for eight centuries, and I'm not about to start giving them stick now. Raclette for everybody!


1885 George de Hevesy was born in Budapest. Why should you care about a random chemist? Because when the Nazis invaded Copenhagen, where Hevesy was working in Niels Bohr's lab, it was his idea to dissolve the gold Nobel Prizes of the laureates in the lab into a solution and hide it in plain sight on a shelf. After the war, they precipitated the gold out of the solution and had the medals recast. This makes your smartest idea look about as crafty as going for the diagonal win in Connect Four, so don't scoff.

1876 Colorado, a state in which a surprisingly large amount of Cole Slaw Bloggers have resided, was admitted to the Union. President Ulysses S. Grant later admitted in his memoirs that he did it just to piss off Wyoming, which he thought "totally copied" Colorado's design.

1981 MTV first went on the air. The Real World vs. Road Rules challenge Battle of the Sexes II was only 23 years away! It's been a mixed bag, to be sure. But if nothing else, they provided the world with this song:

15 comments:

blythe said...

FYI - my bday is 8/5, so make it a good one. k?

dmbmeg said...

I can't see the video (Draconain bastards at work have youtube and all other streaming media blocked), but please, oh please let that be Come On Be My Baby Tonight by none other than Real World: New Orleans David.

BY the way, who is this "Flop" character, and why is he hijacking your blog CrimeNotes?

CrimeNotes said...

Let's call a moratorium to this "assface" stuff. I blame dmbmeg.

dmbmeg said...

it's a term of endearment. I don't know what you are talking about.

Perhaps you would prefer assypants?

CrimeNotes said...

I prefer, "Sir."

flop said...

You'll get assface and like it, Spaulding.

dmbmeg said...

I can feel the sexual tension between you two.

CrimeNotes said...

Stop discerning sexual tension between me and every living thing.

I'm not 100 percent clear on what Slawgust is going to entail, but it appears to involve a daily posting by Flop. Slawgust sounds good, though.

dmbmeg said...

It's so difficult not to when Flop oozes sexuality.

He's commenting too? Wow! Slawgust is now my new favorite time of year behind Halloween...unless you guys are passing out fun-size Snickers here too???

blythe said...

did someone say Snickers? Oh - just fun size? I'd stick around for king size.

evil girl said...

I've seen Floppy ooze a lot of things, sexuality is not one of them.

Todd said...

I've made it my new goal to have a George de Hevesy moment. And remember the correct spelling of his name.

JebusHChrist said...

I had something to say relating to the post but now that I've read your comments I don't remember what I was going to say and I'm feeling a little uncomfortable.
It'll pass.

crimenotes said...

Evil: You weren't saying that in 1999.

I remember when all the comments on here involved fighting about Republicans or calling Flop a monkey.

Flop said...

Todd: You can also go with the original Hungarian: Hevesy György. Also, I'm glad that every post so far in Slawgust has made a difference in just one life.