It would have been good for me to have had lead poisoning as a child.
I had a bunch of Matchbox Cars. When I was a little kid -- like three or four -- I put them in my mouth and whatnot. Just one of those fucking things. Kids stick toys in their mouths.
Now there's a Hasbro recall on lead-tainted toys, and for most kids, that's a good thing. Most kids are halfwits, and because of lead poisoning, those kids grow up to be that much dumber. As adults, they are labeled "soccer fan" and "Republican."
Myself, I would have benefited from lead poisoning. I like to imagine how awesome it would be if I were just another tall, cool, handsome dude who could skip his ass all over town and not get annoyed during tickle parties. Sadly, I'm a fucking genius, so when I go to tickle parties I stand there thinking about foreign policy and whose tickle is the best analogy to the Algeciras Treaty.
I wish I had lead poisoning as a kid, so that I wouldn't be cursed with a brain that makes me think about such things. In the event that I suffered lead poisoning, I'm grateful for it, because it kept me from being that much smarter, and worrying about these things even more.